Out with the old, in with the...who?
Dancing With the Stars is back for its 31st season—its first to air on Disney+—and, per usual, the lineup is stacked with a list of celebrities that'll likely turn many viewers into owls when it premieres Sept. 19. (You know, because owls say "who" a lot? We'll see ourselves out.) The stars include a Real Housewives legend, a TikTok superstar and her mother, America's most famous weatherman and DTWS' first-ever drag queen contestant. Oh, there's also Jersey Shore's keto guido and a Hallmark Channel hunk.
It's a wide-ranging and eclectic group, which is why we like to conduct our annual (and, sure, slightly shady) experiment to find out who on an esteemed panel of five random people—a DWTS super-fan, a hipster in tech, a Gen-Z college graduate, a natural wine and bookstore owner and a former entertainment reporter—had ever heard of each star.
So, just how famous are Dancing With the Stars' season 31 contestants? Let's find out...
DWTS Super-Fan: No clue.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Wrestler?
Hipster in Tech: RIP CIITTYYYYY, big boy probably can't dance.
Recent College Graduate: A wrestler?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Whomst.
Who He Really Is: The fitness model and actor Arnold Schwarzenegger's 24-year-old son with Mildred Patricia Baena.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh, I love her.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Actress. She's Vivienne Kensington, among other incredible roles.
Hipster in Tech: They're going to drag this poor girl out there?!
Recent College Graduate: Oh, she played the annoying girl in that one movie with Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe!
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: OMG SELMA, The Sweetest Thing forever <3.
Who She Really Is: An actress known for her roles in Cruel Intentions, The Sweetest Thing and Legally Blonde. Blair was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2018 and opened up about her battle in the documentary Introducing, Selma Blair.
DWTS Super-Fan: Oh god, he's from Let's Make a Deal.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Actor from Whose Line Is It Anyway?, which absolutely still holds up.
Hipster in Tech: Welp, we know who's winning this shit.
Recent College Graduate: Sounds like a football player.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: A staple of network TV since Whose Line, god bless him.
Who He Really Is: An Emmy-winning actor and comedian known for Whose Line Is It Anyway? and The Wayne Brady Show. He is the current host of Let's Make a Deal.
DWTS Super-Fan: ABC's weatherman, channel 7!
Former Entertainment Reporter: How many times can I put "TikTok influencer"
Hipster in Tech: This is a fake name, right? Sounds like the joke name of someone from Anchorman.
Recent College Graduate: Hm...a race car driver?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: The Law & Order guy?
Who He Really Is: Good Morning America's weatherman and the the managing editor of the Weather Channel.
DWTS Super-Fan: Is it a guy or a girl?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Oh.
Hipster in Tech: I thought Wayne Brady was enough, literal battle of the titans. So we're just inviting dancers...to dance now?
Recent College Graduate: HAHAHA no wayyyyy!
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: I know I'm supposed to know who this is but I don't.
Who She Really Is: The second most-followed person on TikTok, the influencer stars in her own reality series, Hulu's The D'Amelios Show.
DWTS Super-Fan: I have no idea, but is she related to the other one?
Former Entertainment Reporter: Whole family, huh?
Hipster in Tech: Go away.
Recent College Graduate: AND THE MOM?!?!
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Same.
Who She Really Is: Mom to Charli and her fellow influencer sister, Dixie.
DWTS Super-Fan: She's a singer and she's married to Eric Decker.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Singer, "Wanted" is still a top tier bop.
Hipster in Tech: You know I never knew who this was but always saw the name. Just another hot country person.
Recent College Graduate: I have heard of him! Football player, for sure.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: You got me.
Who She Really Is: A country singer and fashion designer who starred in her own E! reality series, Eric and Jessie, with her NFL star husband, Eric Decker.
DWTS Super-Fan: I am going to say he's a football player.
Former Entertainment Reporter: 90210 reboot. Remember that?!
Hipster in Tech: Absolutely no clue who you are. Boring name too.
Recent College Graduate: No idea, but was he on a soap opera?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Nope.
Who He Really Is: After breaking out on 90210, Donovan went on to star in Hallmark Channel movies before making the move to its competitor, GAC Network.
DWTS Super-Fan: No clue.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Actor, he was in CODA.
Hipster in Tech: Sorry Trevor. Daniel, I have less of an idea of who you are and your name is more boring.
Recent College Graduate: No idea. Maybe a basketball player.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Related to Kevin?
Who He Really Is: An actor who starred in the Oscar-winning CODA.
DWTS Super-Fan: Real Housewives of New Jersey, she just got married. Loved that hair.
Former Entertainment Reporter: "F--KING ENGAGED 19 TIMES!"
Hipster in Tech: No f--king comment.
Recent College Graduate: OMG. Thank god. Someone to add a little flair. I hope she flips the judges' table.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: The only housewife whose name I know, probably.
Who She Really Is: The star of The Real Housewives of New Jersey who infamously flipped a table.
DWTS Super-Fan: Sounds like he's from the Jersey Shore, but I don't think so?
Former Entertainment Reporter: This better be Vinny from Jersey Shore or else I don't care
Hipster in Tech: Had to Google this one too, should be Teresa's assistant for her mortgage sales biz.
Recent College Graduate: Is that Teresa's cousin or nephew? Italians are all connected.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Okay sure, Jersey Shore. I feel like he would be an okay dancer?
Who He Really Is: Fist-pumped his way into reality TV history as one of the original stars of the Jersey Shore.
DWTS Super-Fan: From Charlie's Angels!
Former Entertainment Reporter: I haven't guessed athlete yet so putting that here
Hipster in Tech: Okay, boomer.
Recent College Graduate: Washed up pop star?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: Charlies' Angels, okay!
Who She Really Is: The actress who replaced Farrah Fawcett in the second season of Charlie's Angels in 1977.
Former DWTS Super-Fan: A singer?
Entertainment Reporter: Jerry Smith Jerrod.
Hipster in Tech: Third time's a charm, sorry Trevor and sorry Daniel. THIS is the biggest "no idea" with the most boring name.
Recent College Graduate: A reality TV star. Right?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: A football player?
Who He Really Is: An actor best known for his turn as Smith Jerrod on Sex and the City.
DWTS Super-Fan: A Housewife?
Former Entertainment Reporter: The one and only! She's a former Drag Race contestant.
Hipster in Tech: Is this supposed to be like "Zendaya"?
Recent College Graduate: A foreign pop star?
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: A singer?
Who She Really Is: One of the most popular contestants from RuPaul's Drag Race, Shangela went on to appear in A Star Is Born and is currently the co-host of the HBO reality series We're Here.
DWTS Super-Fan: The one from American Idol.
Former Entertainment Reporter: Singer, former Idol contestant and I play "One Step at a Time" at least four times a week.
Hipster in Tech: I think she has songs on the radio? Name seems familiar, no clue.
Recent College Graduate: Love her! I used to watch her on Disney Channel but i don't know what she is doing now!
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: A singer!
Who She Really Is: The winner of American Idol's sixth season.
DWTS Super-Fan: A TikToker?
Former Entertainment Reporter: I have no idea, so gonna go with the standby "TikTok influencer."
Hipster in Tech: What a throwaway casting here. Really scraping the bottom of the barrel.
Recent College Graduate: Was she an Olympian? Probably a gymnast.
Natural Wine Bar and Book Store Owner: The required Bachelorette appearance, though I feel like she is maybe not coordinated enough for this.
She Really Is: The ICU nurse and former NFL cheerleader is the lead of the current season of The Bachelorette, sharing the duties with Rachel Recchia.
Dancing With the Stars premieres Monday, Sept. 19 on Disney+.