"There was a lot of speculation and rumors happening," she explained on the latest episode of Dear Media's Relationsh*t with Kamie Crawford. "We were trying to just keep it private and go through some emotions and [keep] all of that just between us, then, on a need-to-know basis, friends and family before we made anything public. But it just started creeping out there. So we then we went Instagram, as you do."
That's not to say she was relieved to finally tell the world about her divorce. In fact, the idea that people were discussing the matter made her "massively uncomfortable." Added Katie, "There were all these things swirling around and I don't like people speaking for me and saying things that aren't true."
Avoiding public speculation is one thing, but Katie said she didn't even want to tell those closest to her that she was considering breaking up with Tom. "Finally when I did open up and talk to my best friend and my mom, they were like, 'Katie, we've seen it. We've seen the dynamic between you guys. And as long as you were happy, we just thought, Well, if she's happy, then fine. But you don't deserve this.'"
Katie said her decision to divorce Tom was based on several factors, but the "this" her loved ones referenced had to do with Tom's apparent inability to evolve. As she put it, "You sit around and wait for someone to start behaving differently or act right. And then it's just like, why am I sitting, hoping and waiting for something like that?"
"It started to felt very disrespectful to myself," Katie continued. "Like, these kinds of behaviors are hurtful to me and nothing's changed. When my behavior was destructive and hurtful to the relationship, I got my s--t together because God forbid I destroy this relationship that is so important to me."
At the same time, Katie said it's because of all the work she did that she was hesitant to break up with Tom. "I didn't marry this person because I ultimately wanted to get a divorce," she explained. "We were at one point trying to start a family. That was a goal of ours together...but then I'm also thinking, What have I done for myself in this? What am I getting out of this? Are my needs being met?"
The answer to that, Katie soon discovered, was no. "My confidence had suffered and I felt very insecure," she added. "I felt like I was coming last in the relationship and in his life. I felt like he was choosing everyone else in the room and in his life before me."
"We still do things together," Katie said. "We have some of the same group of friends and we have dogs that we're gonna split custody of...he's family to me, and I'm always going to love him, so our friendship is very important to both of us."