Alyssa Scott is mourning the death of her 5-month-old son Zen.
She reflected on her grieving process in a post shared to Instagram Stories on Dec. 23.
"Maybe you close the door to the nursery. Maybe you leave it open," she wrote. "Maybe you have boxed some things away—maybe you still fold and put them in the drawers. This is where I'm at. Walking by his room..sometimes going in. Washing some of his clothes but putting aside others that still have his scent. A pile is growing because I don't know exactly what to do but I'm not rushing myself into a decision."
Scott then sent her support to her followers who are on a similar journey. "I am thinking of all who are grieving this holiday season," she continued. "I am also reading your messages and keeping them close to me during this time. Love."
In addition, Scott shared a photo of Zen's nursery filled with baby products, including a red outfit with the words "My first Christmas" across the front.
"I was so excited for him to wear this onesie," she added, "I have had it laying out since Thanksgiving."
On Dec. 7, Scott posted a video in Zen's memory that showed him wearing a set of corduroy overalls and smiling up at his mom. She also opened up about the pain of losing Zen in a message posted to Instagram on Dec. 8.
"Oh my sweet Zen," Scott began. "The soreness I felt in my arm from holding you is slowly fading away. It's a painful reminder that you are no longer here. I caught myself looking in the backseat as I was driving only to see the mirror no longer reflecting your perfect face back at me. When I close a door too loudly I hold my breath and wince knowing a soft cry will shortly follow. It doesn't come. The silence is deafening."
"These last 5 months we have been in this race together," she continued. "We would hand the baton off to each other. You kept me going. It would be the middle of the night and you would smile at me. A surge of energy would fill my body and pure joy would radiate from within me. We were a team, both determined to see it through. It feels unbearable running without you now. I can't. And in this moment I feel myself being carried. By your sister.. By God. By complete strangers encouraging me to not give up . It has been an honor and privilege being your mommy.. I will love you for eternity. 6•23•21 - 12•5•21."
Scott welcomed Zen with Nick Cannon in June. During the Dec. 7 episode of The Nick Cannon Show, the host announced that Zen died of a brain tumor.
Days after announcing Zen's death, Cannon paid tribute to his late little one by getting a tattoo of him as an angel on his ribs. "We had a short time with a true angel," Cannon also told People in an interview. "My heart is shattered. I wish I could have done more, spent more time with him, taken more pictures. I wish I could have hugged him longer."
He later added, "He was the most loving baby. I look at being his father as a great privilege."
In a written statement, Scott also told the magazine, "It was a privilege being Zen's mommy. It's so beautiful and encouraging to see even complete strangers being touched and moved by Zen's light. Zen's spirit and light will shine bright forever."