As if we weren't already tired enough, ABC is out here playing games with us.
The network just revealed the names, faces, ages, occupations and hometowns of the men vying for the heart of Katie Thurston, the newest star of The Bachelorette, and something is...amiss. There are 29 men and one mysterious box, for some reason. Instead of "Garrett, 29, a software marketing manager from Salinas, CA," we get, "??????, ??, in a box from ??????."
You wanna know our first guess about what's in the box? A vibrator. Not only would that go right along with Katie's now iconic limo entrance from the last season of The Bachelor, but it would also provide a genius twist. Katie could pick a man, or she could just pick a vibrator. You don't have to worry about a vibrator cheating, or breaking up with you, or saying or doing anything that could be considered racist!
We're guessing that's not what's happening here, but wouldn't it be fun if it were?
Anyway, let's look at some dudes.
There are 29 of them, and they range in ages from 25 to 36. There are two Andrews and two Connors, though one Connor spells it like "Conor." There's a Brandon and a Brendan, and three men who have the word "software" in their job description. One man is a dancer, one man sells zippers (maybe, if we're reading that right) and one is a "surgical skin salesman."
We're totally sure that surgical skin sales are on the up and up, but we also can't help but worry that Jeff could also be a creative and entrepreneurial serial killer.
All our best to Katie! Scroll down to meet all of the guys, and the box, we guess.
30, a wildlife manager from Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.
27, a marketing sales rep from Edison, NJ.
26, an investment sales consultant from Baltimore, MD.
36, a business owner from Akron, OH.
26, a pro football player from Vienna, Austria.
26, a firefighter trainee from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
31, a gym owner from San Diego, CA.
26, an insurance agent from San Diego, CA.
30, a software salesman from La Jolla, CA.
26, a software engineer from Covington, GA.
34, a software strategist from Houston, TX.
29, a math teacher from Nashville, TN.
31, a deputy district attorney from Newport Beach, CA.
25, an IT consultant from Miami, FL.
26, a nutrition entrepreneur from Dallas, TX.
26, a real estate agent from Boston, MA.
28, a former baseball player from Costa Mesa, CA.
27, a technical product specialist from Nashville, TN.
28, a real estate broker from Poway, CA.
29, a software marketing manager from Salinas, CA.
27, a bartender from Pacific Beach, CA.
34, a motivational speaker from Miami, FL.
26, a technical recruiter from Fort Lauderdale, FL.
27, a zipper sales manager from San Diego, CA.
35, an entrepreneur from Charlotte, NC.
26, an auto parts manager from Queens, NY.
31, a surgical skin salesman from Jersey City, NJ.
25, a basketball coach from Dallas, TX.
25, a real estate investor from Mission Viejo, CA.
30, a real estate broker from Portland, OR.
The Bachelorette premieres Monday, June 7 at 8 p.m. on ABC.