Lester Cohen/Getty ImagesClearly all the sex we’re supposed to be gobbling up this holiday season is either right up there, or so deliciously implied in the forbidden teen-vampire delight Twilight. Forget the frozen-faced Nicole Kidman conjuring up anything remotely erotic in Australia—a pretty Herculean feat considering she’s acting opposite the most exquisitely hunky, hairy love god, Hugh Jackman.
Quit messing with your womanliness, woman!
Back to Twilight, which hit on all mattress-ready moods save one: It’s sexist. Why are all the boy vampires the driving, dynamic, more droolworthy ones? Why is Bella’s greatest achievement to be bedded by Edward? Why the hell isn’t she bedding who she pleases, and deciding when?
Per usual, this movie, like most movies, is driven by the dudes (and really, what do you expect, with original author Stephenie Meyer being a Mormon).
So here you have an opportunity, Twilight producers: For those obviously 260 billion sequels, you don’t need to rewrite Twilight history or anything, but do please pull a little Hollywood magic and give young girls all over the world some bitchin’ female empowerment to look up to. Could, say, a role be written for Megan Fox as an all-knowing lady vampire who makes Eddie-poo piss in his comfy sweaters? Oh, yeah!