Kristen Stewart, New Moon Poster

Ted Casablanca is traveling this week and mail is being tackled by Team Awful—so try us!

Dear Awful Truth:
Do me a favor. Have you seen recent pictures of Kristen Stewart and her new wig? Please tell Deep Twi that Summit must have enough money to get the girl a decent wig—it looks terrible! Take a look at the pictures yourself! These kids are the toast of Hollywood and they can't get her hair right?

Dear Hair Affair:
Maybe it's Summit giving K.Stew the proverbial bitch-slap after she and Rob had their major-exposure weekend in L.A. a few weeks ago. She disobeys their rules, and they in turn give her an uglyass wig. Fair?

Dear Awful Truth:
I read about that dinner without Kristen Stewart, and after, I read about Rob's anger because of some text messages from Kristen's ex. And yes, this happens, but I'm a little concerned about this because it affects their relationship, and OK, I don't like to think about our Rob suffering. Sue me.

Dear Claustrophobic in Vancouver:
There's nothing to worry about, yet. That dinner was totally blown out of proportion, trust. Not something worth freaking out over.

Dear Awful Truth:
I'm trying to figure out if this gossip is true so I figured I'd ask the expert. How many actresses from One Tree Hill are beards? Do you know if there are any actresses from One Tree Hill who may be in need of a beard of their own?

Dear Hidden Hills:
I'll give you a big LOL for this one. The answer, friend, is more than zero.

Dear Awful Truth:
I can't erase the image of Ashley Greene shoving her tongue down Chace Crawford's throat from my mind. With the window down! Talk about attention seeker. It ain't a pretty picture either, and I don't think she's any better than our lovely Nikki Reed. Do you know whether those two have kept in touch? I've heard Chace is enjoying the life as usual. And has Jackson Rathbone lured her back into his delicious bed yet? He honestly seems to be ignoring her, but that might be just me reading too much into things.

Dear Ashley + Chace = Ace?
Ash has kept it very quiet, as has Chace, considering the attention has now fallen onto them. But who's to say that just because they hooked up means they're anything more? Relationships are not always the end result, you know.

Dear Awful Truth:
doesn't get out of the closet because of themselves or because of Summit? If that mysterious contract clause with Summit didn't exist, do you think Robsten would behave as any normal couple? When Kristen was with "the herb" they didn't hide.

Dear OregaNO:
That's up to Rob and Kristen to decide. All clues point to them not necessarily actively wanting to go public, but rather, wanting to just be a couple and let things fall into place as they may. They're quite the passive little stars, aren't they?

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Terry Tush-Trade Christian Serratos?

Dear Kinky Christian:
Nope. Although I totally got that vibe from her.

Dear Awful Truth:
Check this out, Anna Paquin honored in Poland for the Irena Sendler movie...way cool, the pic of her with the president of Poland!

Dear Paqtastic:
Yep, we love Anna and only like to hear good things about her. In fact, I don't even mind the David Letterman-esque teeth problems. That's how much I care.

Dear Awful Truth:
Why is there a "need to know" in regard to a celeb's sexual preference? Should we really care? I think not.

Dear Confusion:
If you're referring to a previous Bitch-Back answer, you're off. It's not "need to know" regarding a sexual preference; it's "need to know" regarding Blind Vice identities. Big ol' legal-eagle difference there, doc.

Dear Awful Truth:
I would just like to say that Team Awful is doing a fabulous job in Ted's absence. We the readers would pledge our allegiance to Team Awful over Ted if you were to reveal a couple of Blind Vices (Oh, say: Toothy and Nevis). Disclaimer: Of course, when Ted gets back we'll deny any such allegiance. You understand, of course.
Cutlet Canada

Dear Nice Try:
Well, since this is my last week on the job, maybe on quitting day I'll go out in a blaze of glory and reveal every Vice you ever wanted to know about anyone, ever. Or maybe I won't. Bam.

Dear Awful Truth:
I'm from Singapore and I enjoy reading your posts tremendously, especially those about Robsten. Recently, I caught The Notebook on DVD, and now I'm totally in love with Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling. I think that they are made for each other, just like Robsten. When I read that they have already broken up, my heart really sank! They should be together forever. Do you have any news about them, whether they would be together next time, maybe like how their Notebook characters will be, like meet up seven years later? That would be incredibly romantic. What can I say, I'm a sucker for romance.
The McGosling and Robsten Fan

Dear Hopeless Ho-mantic:
Hmmm...what do you think

Dear Awful Truth:
Please tell Becky Bain that "Jon and Kate Plus Hate" is the all-time best column header.

Dear Close Second:
Really? I for sure thought it was "Bitch-Back! Carrie and Sienna Suck." Props to T-money on that one.

Dear Awful Truth:
In the upcoming movie The Brothers, are Tobey and Jake's characters supposed to be fighting over Natalie, or are Tobey and Jake fighting temptation for each other? I don't buy either one of these tools as a romantic lead onscreen or fighting over Kirsten Dunst offscreen. They both seem so egotistical, and from the small previews of the movie, trying to overact each other. And I wonder if all three leads were on the same cycle when the movie wrapped? Doesn't Hollywood have any true romantic leads who can act beside Leo D.? He can't do all the movies, can he?

Dear Awful A-list:
I'm a big fan of Leo, but you're off your rocker if you think he's the only "true romantic lead" out there right now. I don't even care to answer your question until you go spend a couple of hours doing some major Wikiage. Now good day, sir.

Dear Awful Truth:
I heard that in Mexico City, they broke the record for a "Thriller" dance (more than 13,000 people dancing). Pretty cool right! But then I saw the comments on E! and while some were really encouraging, some were very mean, like "yea keep trying" or "you guys can't even do that dance." So what do you think? Was this cool or a waste of time?

Dear Jackson Action:
Personally, I'm more of a fan of those inmate guys on YouTube. But hey, a record is a record—totally not a waste of time in my opinion. Then again, one of those obscure records like Most Pennies Held in Mouth, yeah, that's kind of pointless.

Dear Awful Truth:
In your opinion, is Robsten real, or is it our perceptions, hopes and ideals that they'd be together in real life as well as reel life. It seems we want them to be together so much that we spin anything and everything we see as "proof." Then if it comes out that they are together, we'll somehow find faults and accusations in their relationship. We love to build them up and tear them down. Just like preschoolers.
Team Robsten

Dear Perceptualizinationalisation:
I'm not really a Robsten fan at all, but I'll assure you that there's more to that couple than just crazy Twi-hards doing some heavy wishing. Otherwise, a skeptic like me would never have been convinced, which I have been. There's more than just hope involved with this one, buddy.

Dear Awful Truth:
We all know you don't use multiple B.V. nicknames for one celeb. But once a B.V. has been revealed, would you give the "offending" star a new name? Have you ever?
Looking for Clues

Dear Vindicated Vice:
Yep, it's happened in the past.

Dear Awful Truth:
Terry Tush-Trade...Megan Fox? She is bisexual.

Dear Bi Blind:
One of the only Twilight-centric Blind Vices and you blaspheme its name with mention of Megan?! Twi-hards, attack!

Dear Awful Truth:
Does Ted ever, ever reveal the B.V.s? I seem to recall one with David Duchovny, but that was so long ago? Just wondering, haven't seen a reveal in a very long time.

Dear Revelation:
You bet your ass he does. It just depends on the Vice, the timing, and how much trouble he'll get in if he does.

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Princess Powder-Puff married? Also, In your opinion, what comes first: offscreen attraction leading to onscreen chemistry, or onscreen chemistry leading to offscreen attraction? It seems like there are a lot of stars that end up with their costars, so I was curious. It seems like with Robsten, there was a little of both.

Dear Two-Pronged Truth:
1. Remember, she's a princess, not a queen. 2. It's a little of both for a lot of reasons. Think about my favorite example, Brangelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Now which was the culprit in that oh-so-famous case?

Dear Awful Truth:
Is Toothy Tile Michael Angarano?

Dear Sky High Homo:
Not a chance. Think not only older but less prepubescent.

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