Jamie Lynn Spears is trying to be stronger than yesterday.
During the Jan. 4 premiere episode of Special Forces: World's Toughest Test, the Zoey 101 star opened up about why she wanted to participate in a show that tests contestants' physical and emotional strength through a series of tasks, which are led by an elite team of ex-Special Forces operatives.
"I just want to, for myself, feel like I'm worth something," the 31-year-old told staff agents through tears. "It just feels like every time I work really hard to get something on my own, it's not really worth it."
Part of that mindset, Jamie Lynn said, came from being raised with older sister and music superstar Britney Spears, 41.
"Growing up, my sister became worldwide famous when I was very young," she said. "I'm so proud of her, love her to death, but I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I don't really have anything for myself."
When speaking in a confessional, Jamie Lynn—who shares daughter Maddie, 14, with ex Casey Aldridge, and Ivey, 4, with husband Jamie Watson—expressed her mission to be proud of her sister, but also have her own identity.
"I struggle with self-esteem all the time and as a parent, you really want to fake it because you don't ever want to see your children feel the feelings you feel," she said. "The hardest thing is being away from my kids, but I'm here to do something that's going to make them proud."
In the first episode of Special Forces, Jamie Lynn was put to the test when the cast was asked to perform a backward dive into the ocean from a helicopter.
The task quickly reminded Jamie Lynn of a 2017 incident where her daughter Maddie ended up submerged in a pond after an ATV accident.
"My 8-year-old was in an accident where she drowned, and I immediately dived in and I couldn't get her up," she recalled in the episode. "The paramedic jumps right into the water. They pull her out and then they laid her beside me and she wasn't breathing. She was blue. They were working on her and then they got a pulse."
While Jamie Lynn is so grateful her oldest daughter was OK, she said the challenge quickly took her back to that frightening day.
"When I tried to save my daughter from an accident, I had to propel myself into a pond," she said. "I didn't realize how much your body remembers things."
Special Forces: World's Toughest Test airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on Fox.