When we read the joyous news that River Song would be making her triumphant return to Doctor Who this December, the first thing we did was obviously get a jump on our Twelfth Doctor-River Song fan fiction that's titled "Sex Storm: The Sexpocalypse."
And then we checked in on the Doctor Who fanbase to see how they were handling the fact that Alex Kingston and Peter Capaldi would finally be making acting magic together. To sum up, Whovians are basically like this right now:
Not only is River a fan-favorite, but when executive producer Steven Moffat talked about possibly leaving her character off the show for good, we got this amazing description from writer Russell T. Davies.
"I mentioned in passing to Russell that we were probably done with River," Moffat revealed. "He said, ‘You can't be done with River! No, no, no. Capaldi and Kingston, it's a sex storm!'"
And it will be a sex storm! This will be the first time the Twelfth Doctor interacts with River and needless to say, fans completely and utterly misplaced their chill when they heard the news.
River song is coming back river song is coming back river song is coming back River song is coming back RIVer SO NG is coming back River SON— jess daley (@SmarvilIan) September 2, 2015
RIVER SONG BACK TO DOCTOR WHO!!!! pic.twitter.com/JXxKbrbWuk— Doctor Who? (@JAWNLECTER) September 2, 2015
RIVER SONG IS GOING TO BE ON DOCTOR WHO AGAIN pic.twitter.com/pdZUEiyECO— TheMaster'sCompanion (@OhMyDoctor96) September 2, 2015
RIVER SONG IS COMING BACK AND RUMOURS OF TORCHWOOD WELP I CANT BREATHE— The Doctor (@JonnayP) September 2, 2015
for all the River Song haters pic.twitter.com/NWahBpRhCi— Elena Cresci (@elenacresci) September 2, 2015
RIVER SONG IS BACK DO YOU KNOW HOW GREAT 12 AND RIVER SCENES ARE GOING TO BE OH MY GOD— meg (@the_dooIio) September 2, 2015
Don't think anyone understands my love for River Song, and how mUCh AM EXCITED FOR HER TO BE COMING BACK.— Yaz (@WhovianWithABox) September 2, 2015
River Song is returning! pic.twitter.com/EvWkV56W8D— Conor J. Lopez (@Conortroversial) September 2, 2015
RIVER SONG IS BACK I REPEAT RIVER SONG IS BACK SUXVISBZKA— ??10 (@amberlabamba_) September 2, 2015
The episode description for the Doctor Who Christmas Special reads: "It's Christmas Day in the future and the TARDIS is parked on a snowy village street, covered in icicles, awaiting its next adventure. Time traveler River Song meets her husband's new incarnation, in the form of Peter Capaldi, for the first time this Christmas."
"The last time the Doctor saw [River] she was a ghost," Moffat said in a statement. "The first time he met her, she died. So how can he be seeing her again? As ever, with the most complicated relationship in the universe, it's a matter of time..."
We are desperate to know how River comes back, but we know what she would say to us if we begged for more info…
Doctor Who's ninth season premieres on BBC America on Saturday, Sept. 19.