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Mark Spitz, Michael Phelps

AP Photo

You’d have to be as old as two Miley Cyruses and one Bonus Jonas (give or take a few months) to remember who Mark Spitz was, but back in ’72, the magnificent athlete left the Munich Olympic Games with a whopping seven gold medals in his Speedo hamper. A tough record to beat, but one that Sports Illustrated cover boy Michael Phelps has trounced with his eighth first-place win.

The Spitz reaction? “You know, you weren't born when I did what I did. I'm sure I was a part of your inspiration, and I take that as a full compliment,” the ex-swimmer—who was not even invited to the Beijing games—told NBC. “They say you judge one's character by the company that you keep, and I'm happy to keep company with you.”

At press time, crack Soup Blog reporters were unable to confirm the veracity of a supposed outtake from the interview: “Now let’s see you do that with a mustache, punk!" sputtered Spitz, who took the golds despite the water drag of his trademark facial hair. "Grow a trash ‘stache like my ’72 lady rider and let’s hop in the deep end. I’ll show you who’s boss, aqua man!”