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Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie

Lisa O'Connor/ZUMA Press, Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMA Press, Gregg DeGuire/WireImage.com, Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Why the big, freaking fuss over Angelina Jolie? She's gorgeous, no doubt, but the femme is an unstable homewrecker. Something just doesn't ring right with this broad. I'm not Jen, just someone who thinks Aniston deserves far better than she has had with the men in her life.
Nikki
Columbus, Ohio

Dear Angied-Out:
Hollywood doesn’t discriminate based on morals or sanity, love. But John Mayer just may be helping you out here, no worries.

Dear Ted:
You assured me a few months back that when Brit got boring, due to her conservators, that this was just the tip of the iceberg and the best was yet to come. I'm still waiting. Should I give up? Who's the next trainwreck I should be wasting my time on? I'm so bored!
Scott
Winterville, N.C.

Dear Mayhem Concerned:
Puh-leeze, Brit is a ticking burrito-bomb. Patience, my dear. In the meantime, the countdown is on for Miley.

Dear Ted:
Why do stars who get pregnant with twins insist on saying, "It was natural," when it's obvious it's not? Mid-30s and up and we're supposed to think all these twins are coincidental rather than via IVF? Angelina, Jennifer Lopez, Rebecca Romijn, Marcia Cross, the list goes on and on...
Diana
Fulton, Md.

Dear Fertile Nation:
What, you work in a doc’s office and have the beaker-goods on all of the above? Regardless, my hunch is pretty simple: It’s because they all wanna appear younger than they all are, imagine that in this town.