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Blind Vice

No wonder so many gay men are gossip columnists: all these supposedly "straight" stars are constantly cruising us (and our friends) for sex!

And the latest celeb to daringly do so is one of the biggest hunky vampire sensations out there right now. So much so, even I was shocked when a bud of mine, who gets off hunting around Griffith Park—a notorious area of LA where homosexual sex in the woods is rampant and a constant annoyance to the police—himself enjoyed what you're about to read.

Nelly Fang is as hot as he is adored by his millions of fans. His smoldering looks are talked about just as much (if not more so) that his red-hot acting talents.

Nelly simply smolders on screen, what with his trance-like gaze and lithe, mildly muscled bod, which he keeps in shape by jogging through Griffith Park wearing shorts but no...

...underwear, oh my!

I wonder if that's because Nelly likes to be extra free to whip it out, just in case he needs to take a whiz? Nah.

More likely, that lack of clothing constraint is due entirely to Nelly's penchant for stopping a guy who catches his fancy on the trail, so he can lure his conquest to a hidden path and then have hot, hot, hot sex under the sun! Which Fang's now done with my friend not once, but, twice!

Love it! And people say Tiger's a slut! So, glad Woods isn't the only celeb who's being super naughty these days, what a relief.

"He's a real talker, too," adds Nelly's lucky path partner, "he kept saying, 'Yeah, do it, yeah, you like that, don't you, yeah, you like my ass?'"

Oh, my. If only Nelly's gazillions of girlie worshippers could hear him talk. They'd either try and convert him or tell him to start talking dirty to them or they'd stop being his fan—or both.

By the way, I'm sure if you've made it this far, you'll want to know the rest of the dirty deets, which are: Yes, Nelly's endowed (longer than wider, to be precise), and, yes, he's a very neat boy down there.

"Very groomed," was how Mr. Cape's private parts were further described to me. Or, to be even more precise (and gay): "Manscaped."

Hmm. How very interesting, as this body-maintenance routine doesn't match the sometimes slightly grungy image Nelly likes to show off to the very unknowing public.

And It Ain't: Kellan Lutz, Brad Pitt, Ryan Kwanten


Wonder if Nelly will be inducted into our Blind Vice Superstars gallery