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Scrubs: John C. McGinley, Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalke

Scott Garfield/NBC

Get yourself to a TV, stat! Well, maybe not stat. Around 9:30 tonight would be good, though. Because—drumroll, please—the Sacred Heart crew is back and in full effect. 

I just watched this evening’s season-seven premiere, and it is as frighteningly funny as the first-ever episode. 

What can I tell you? Well, for starters, the big cliffhanger will be resolved right quick—like before-the-theme-music quick! Plus, Elliot gets a fancy new nickname, Snoop Dogg Intern makes an appearance and Dr. Cox spouts one of his very special rants. 

The entire half hour will get you all jazzed up for the rest of Scrubs' final season, and executive producer Bill Lawrence swears he will make good on all of his fan promises: The Janitor does a proper name and a love interest this year; Nurse Laverne won’t rise from the dead, but the actress who played her, Aloma Wright, definitely returns; and The Todd continues to live as a happy, healthy ambisexual. 

By the way, I asked Lawrence, and it turns out Zach Braff’s dream of bringing Arrested Development's Dr. Tobias Fünke into the Sacred Heart fold is not totally dead!  

And Braff tells me that although "half the fans want [J.D. and Elliot] to end up together and half the fans want them apart," they'll do their best to appease both factions. (Psst...Anybody have a clue how they could do that? And what outcome are you rooting for? Comment below!) 

More on that in Monday’s Spoiler Chat. In the meantime, watch Scrubs tonight, people. It'll be the last season premiere of this fantastic show you'll ever see...But don't get me started down that road, or I'll get all weepy.

—Additional reporting by Korbi Ghosh