Photodisc

From Variety:
The man who brought the world Big Brother and Fear Factor is asking TV fans to come up with the next big reality hit. John de Mol's Talpa Media Group has launched a website, TalpaCreative.com, that reality fans can visit to pitch ideas. Users will register as members and then receive an opportunity to submit ideas as well as respond to assignments posted by de Mol and Talpa execs.

Hang on. So the audience will be sitting at home watching themselves on TV doing things they told themselves to do? Möbius strip irrationality notwithstanding, this doesn't leave much left over for us showbiz professionals, does it?

We see which way the foul wind is blowing here, and like the wise man once said, "If you can't beat them, just give up completely." In a bid to cling to the withering tether of the television industry in any way possible, here are Five Desperately Bad Reality Show Ideas we'll be uploading just as soon the boss' back is turned.

1. NBC Dateline: Following a Stranger: This guy's up to something. We're not sure what it is yet, but come on, just look at this guy. Total creepsville.

2. A Million to One: Contestants must correctly guess which number, between one and 1 million, the host is currently thinking of.

3. The Ugly Truth: Friends and family members surprise an unsuspecting subject with a vicious barrage of personal insults related to the party's physical appearance. The shell-shocked victim is immediately forced into cosmetic surgery where all their flaws are remedied by a highly skilled and hilarious plastic surgeon.

4. A Different Light: In this spinoff of Trading Spaces, two families agree to exchange each other's lamps and light fixtures for one week. In the course of each episode, the families learn as much about themselves as they do about the new lamps. Which is to say, absolutely nothing.

5. Project Runaway: Teenage girls are pulled from the streets and homeless shelters of Detroit to compete in the world of high fashion using only whatever materials they manage to steal from the local Pay-N-Save drug store.