The Awful Truth

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Drew Barrymore and Justin Long obviously can't make up their mind if they want to be together or not, and every other week we hear they've called it quits for good. Let's hope the hundredth time's the charm, because the twosome was just spotted in Miami on a hush-hush romantic getaway.

The He's Just Not That Into You costars shacked up at the Viceroy Hotel on posh Brickell Avenue, instead of their usual haunt the Delano. Stealth, guys. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony can usually be found at the Viceroy, too, but let's just hope Drew and Justin look up to J.Lo and Marc for travel tips, not love tips.

D & J stayed in South Beach for three days, sipping on cocktails and having just a fab time. While Justin was spotted working out at the hotel spa, Drew was found shopping, natch. She hit up Avant Gallery, looking laid-back wearing a simple T-shirt paired with her makeup-free face.

Store patrons tell us Drew was "the sweetest thing." Hmmm, wonder if she was shopping for her pad back in L.A. or possibly a potential place in Miami? After all, Drew supposedly kicked poor Justin out of her Hollywood home. That might be a blessing in disguise, though, trust. Maybe these two make better travel companions than lovers.

While Drewstin is up in the air, one duo who will always be for keeps is...

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AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

"They're fine. The smoking means nothing other than he's addicted to cigarettes." 

—White House insider, when we inquired whether or not President Barack Obama's continued clandestine puffing, despite repeated efforts to stop, perhaps was a sign there's tension in his marriage to first lady Michelle.

"They're solid," we were reprimanded when we asked if the cig sneaking (and constant gal eyelash-batting B.O. gets from the babes round the world) was a clue to trouble between the Potomac power couple.

"And she does not wear the pants in the family, dream on," our source added, regarding Michelle's perhaps undeserved rep for being a bit bossy. Oh, really?

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Hey, Hollywood's still supporting him! Check out some celebs in Hollywood's Team Obama gallery!

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Glad our little travel-tip yesterday turned out to be true. 

Robert Pattinson landed back in Los Angeles with GF Kristen Stewart yesterday after unwinding together all weekend in NYC. 

Even People magazine has deets of Rob and Kristen full-on making out in public Friday night. Robsten doubters are you even out there still? 

So can we get used to this new Robsten? Ya know, the same undercover lovers who try so hard to never be snapped in the same frame together...

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John Shearer/Getty Images

Ryan Gosling strutted out of his Hollywood gym like he was just walkin' outta the bathroom or somethin'.

The increasingly pumped-up stud-actor was pulling a hoodie over his barely there tight wife-beater, but that's just the start of it. The six-foot-one nascent muscle dude was wearing flimsy track pants that might as well have been pajama bottoms, 'cause we all know what one wears under PJs, right? Same thing with Ryan's black trainers, which could easily have revealed Ryan's religious affiliation.

Either that, or Gosling had his large pet snake with a swollen lip in there, just floppin' around and havin' a good ole time.

Freshly worked out, happy Ryan climbed into his bigass gas-guzzlin' SUV, like it was a perfectly normal thing for an endowed movie star to dangle 'n' go. And I'm sorry, Rachel McAdams is an idiot.

Crazy for private-style partying, also in Hollywood, was...

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Matt Sayles/AP Photo

Dear Ted:
All of the grief over Janet Jackson's breast, but Adam Lambert was allowed to grab a woman's vagina, simulate oral sex, flip everyone the finger and open-mouth kiss a straight man. But it's all OK because he's gay? Ted, what do you think?
—Yvette ML

Dear Hardly:
Lambert's performance was completely edited when the show aired on the West Coast, though. I don't see why people made a big deal about boobgate or Lambert's antics. Like I said, it's a p-e-r-f-o-r-m-a-n-c-e, people (and parents council). If you don't like it, switch the damn channel!

Dear Ted:
I'm kinda dunzo with Alexander Skarsgård. I hate it when celebs tell the press what they think their fans want to hear. Don't parrot a publicist, just be honest or say "no comment." We big girls can handle it, just don't lie. What do you think?
—Mackenzie

Dear One Step Ahead:
What exactly did he do to tick you off, darling? Not own up to prancing out with Kate Bosworth? I wouldn't want to claim that either!

Dear Ted:
Just have to ask, what is the Awful Truth about Robsten? Are they still as committed as they once were, or has fame, PR stress and time worn away the bubble? Something seems to be off...especially with Rob...has he lost interest?
—Curious

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Any excuse to put up a picture of Natalie Portman is OK by us!

Nat celebrated the premiere of her new flick Brothers and looked absolutely yumma-do-me while doing it. But a little on the thin side, no? Guess that's Hollywood for ya.

Love the hair, love the makeup, love the dress. Her 'do looks classy, while the strapless mini, busty-bouquet number keeps her looking young. We forget the age of this mature Harvard alum sometimes, but we do know that that vibrant blue hue is impeccable.

One thing missing from the party was costar Jake Gyllenhaal.

Is that because he was home playing with his hair?

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Everyone wants a status update on Rocky Trailer—one of the many bisexual stars caught up in the Twilight mega franchise.

Clearly none of the New Mooners blabbed about their tendencies to swing both ways. Ya know, getting turned on by guys and girls.

This doesn't come as that big of a surprise to us. Like we said, we'd believe it when we heard it. It's always easier for an actor to think they'll break boundaries by coming clean about their sexuality, but so few ever do.

Our own Taryn Ryder encountered Rocky very recently and actually and had quite the run-in...

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Jeff Kravitz/Getty Images

Dear Ted:
One of my favorite shows on TV is Gossip Girl, but I've got to know if there is any dirt on the costars? Seems as if Blake Lively and Leighton Meester don't get along too well. Also does anyone else, besides Chace Crawford of course, have a Blind Vice?
—Melia

Dear G.G. Gossip:
When Team Awful has spotted the two girls out partying, the two girls haven't even acknowledged each other. Battle of the egos, I'm thinking. As for being B.V. subjects, Chacey-poo is the only one holding down the naughty G.G. fort.

Dear Ted:
This is completely random, but did you know that if you made Tom Cruise a blond, he would look just like Peter Facinelli? It's creepy! On a completely different note, who's Terry Tush-Trade? For the love of all that's holy and good, Ted (I know you're a devout Presby)! I have to know. Your loving, devoted and faithful followers want, need, to know. Please! It's almost Christmas ya know. Spill!
—Bubble 

Dear Twins:
Um, no way will Facinelli ever look like Cruise. You might be right, but I refuse to imagine it. As for TTT, my lips are sealed until Terry's are not. Or until he gets caught with one of those damn flipcams.

Dear Ted:
It is 4 a.m. here in Chicago, and I am up sipping tea to sooth my never-ending sore throat. I just saw a snippet of Robin Robertson's interview with Janet Jackson. She was talking about M.J.'s death and her family's attempt at interventions. She also puts it out there who she blames for her brother's death. Although she looked beautifully madeup and composed in the interview, her eyes looked so sad. Any thoughts? Is Janet really speaking from the heart?
—Irish_blue

Dear Questioning Heartache:
Janet speaks more from the heart, whereas Joe speaks more from the pocketbook. But there are still many things left unsaid in this family.

Dear Ted:
I just don't think Taylor-Squared is real. With the obvious hints in interviews and how it's conveniently getting them more attention around the rerelease of her album and the release of New Moon, it just seems too perfect. And if Taylor Swift's a good friend, she wouldn't date Selena Gomez's ex. It just doesn't make sense.
—Robs 

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People

Dear Ted:
A.T. is part of my early morning ritual, helping me start the day on a light (or juicy) note before diving into work. Johnny Depp as People's Sexiest is fine by me—he's certainly doable and sexy—but what in the world has he done to his face? I swear I didn't even recognize him in that picture. What do you make of the recent changes to his face, and do you think he can tell how strange he looks? I've got nothing against fillers and corrective treatments—if they're done right the results can be rejuvenating and natural-looking—but it seems like so many stars go overboard or get terrible work done. Why is that? You'd think a big star would be choosier and go to the best. Also, why would People choose such a terrible photo for the cover and why would his people approve that ugly mug shot? Thanks!
—Kitty

Dear Depp Be-Gone:
I think the front pic isn't all that bad; it's pretty hard to make Depp look ugly.

Dear Ted:
I have some questions regarding Bradley Cooper. I get the feeling that he is a colossal egomaniac. There are never pictures of him out with friends. Does he have famous friends, and if so, who are they? I don't think he is gay, but there is something about his personality he is hiding from us, am I right?
—Emma 

Dear Hermit Crab:
Coop isn't showing his true self, that's for sure. Totally doable, as he may be.

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if you ever get threatened by publicists whenever you publish a Blind Vice or other items rendering a particular celebrity's image suspicious. Aren't you worried for your safety? I admire you for putting the truth out there, or at least the best you can.
—Big Fan

Dear Worrywart:
You've got no idea, babe! I'm more concerned about a backlash of Twilight fans than publicists, though. They're toughass mothers!

Dear Ted:
OK, you've given us a list of 12 guys who are not Toothy Tile. How about a list of 12 guys who are not Nevis Devine? Love ya.
—Salrob 

Dear Trying Easy:
Nevis has a few more years to go until he reaches the legendary status of Toothy. I'll think about it, though. Good idea.

Dear Ted:
I'm gonna bitch. I have read you forevah but you have to stop the jumping to the next page to continue reading a storyline. It truly is fubar and takes way too long to load. (And I usually never complain about a delayed load! LOL) Love you, love the furbabies, mine's a rescued lab that has more love in his eyes than a queen has mirrors. (Scorpios are awesome, right, Ted?)
—KikiTopaz

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"Five."

—So reveals our inside Desperate Housewives source regarding the total number of deaths resulting from this season's cliffhanger plane catastrophe. We're told it's the result of two passengers on the small aircraft getting into an argument

They die, too, by the by, as do some darling, dear residents on the ground on Wisteria Lane. Gosh, think those might be Teri Hatcher and her crackhead dietician up there in that plane bitching away? Never know! And let's hope!

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See what other shows are up to in the Spoiler Stills: TV gallery.

Darlings, we were going to give you a New Moon Vice update, but for all of you who are so sick of vampires you could cry blood, we'll reward you by bringing back an oldie but yummy goodie. 

Remember Crotch Uh-Lastic, the hunky, rising male star who would hire men to come back to his Hills pad, dress up in some swim trunks and get the naughty party started?

We can't believe it's almost been two years, but Crotch has officially risen, like a hunky hero out of burning celeb-saturated waters! Mr. Uh-Lastic has solidified himself as a respected Hollywood actor, which means it's time to be even more discreet 'bout his homolicious ways...

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Jason LaVeris/Getty Images; Lisa O'Connor/ZUMApress.com; DandG

While supporting fellow rock babe Mary Weiland during her book party (Fall to Pieces) at Book Soup in West Hollywood, Dave Navarro told me he's "Team Nobody," when I asked if he was on Edward's or Jacob's bus.

"I'm an adult," sniffed Carmen Electra's tattooed and famously ablicious ex, with more derision than I have for stars like Paris Hilton who buy dogs from puppy mills. 

Jeez, who does this dude think he is, Miley Cyrus or something?

Why can't the Red Hot Chili Pepper pot share the vampire love, already? I mean, he kinda looks like one, right? 

"Yeah, I started this look," insisted the bearded demi-dude all in black and multiple tatts.

"Gosh, Dave, you're not even into True Blood?" I asked. 

Suddenly, Navarro looked like I'd said he has the most unbeatable tummy muscles in the world:

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