Bitch-Back! They're Just Not That Into Angie

Readers revolt against Angie, about time

Dear Ted:
I strongly disagree with you about every woman wanting to look like Angelina Jolie. She is my age, and she looks way older than I do. Jen should stay 100 percent off the Brangelina topic, because no matter what she says, comes out making her look vulnerable, and she is much prettier when she is happy. Thanks for calling out all the hateful people on the message boards. I was most appalled by the racist and hateful comments made when you reported about Kendra Wilkinson's engagement.
—Ellen

Dear Like It Is:
There's a very thin line between bitching and bashing, and the latter is uglier than what Angie did to Jen.

Dear Ted:
Love your column, who is your favorite person to talk about?
—Jim

Dear Barbara Walters Wannabe:
Whoever the homewrecking slut of the moment is. Lately, it's gotta be my fave lady who can't sing but I adore nonetheless, Madonna.

Dear Ted:
Is Snoop Dogg's daughter really his real daughter? They look nothing alike.
—dorotheamcdonald

Dear Father Like Daughter:
We'll have to wait and see if her lungs are as capable as her dear old pop's.

Dear Ted:
The Madonna-Guy Ritchie divorce isn't at all surprising; what I'm more curious about is why she married him in the first place. He seems like a pretty nice, normal, if a bit bland guy and she's...well....Madonna, for Pete's sake! Got any insights?
—mrsmccollum

Dear Guy Bitchy:
Bland-looking guys are almost always better in bed, didn't you know? Madonna's a fool. A-Rod's gonna peter out faster than Lourdes' attention span.

Dear Ted:
So, Ted, I'd like to know why aren't you talking about Ben Affleck anymore? You always tell interesting things about celebs!
—Dioggo

Dear Hiatus Hoopla:
It's the calm before the storm. Meaning, the calm is baby No. 2 and a divorce is coming, just currently on pause.

Dear Ted:
I loved reading your quotes and the mention of Toothy Tile in the Chicago Tribune article about why there are no out leading men in Hollywood. It's always a pleasure to hear you giving your opinion about this topic. I'd like to ask you a question: Is there anything new or upcoming in Toothy Tile's world?
—Claire

Dear Growin' Up Toothy:
Yes, death by boredom.

Dear Ted:
I saw a poster ad of Britney Spears at the mall today. She does not look like herself at all. Has she changed that drastically in appearance, or is the photo just touched up a little too much?
—Ann J. St. Paul, Minn.

Dear Comeback Kid:
Both. But the first isn't exactly decided by B.

Dear Ted:
You are probably so tired of getting asked this, but I'm asking again. You have said before you don't think Brangelina is going to last, and that it'll be because of her breaking his heart. I'm starting to think it's going to be the other way around, doesn't sound like he can keep it in his pants—and she's not as tough as she makes out to be! Thoughts?
—Sara, Calgary

Dear Pants On Backwards:
Oh how I wish you were correct hon, but A's leash is most def around Brad's balls.

Dear Ted:
Love your column, and have been a faithful reader for years. I know I'm late with this one, but what was up with Jay-Z sharing a spacious apartment with Larry Johnson (Kansas City Chiefs) before his marriage to Beyoncé? Why would two grown men with millions who could easily afford the rent share a house together? Or do I already know the answer?
—Slockewilliams

Dear Shacking Billionaires:
As far as I know, your answer isn't correct about J.

Dear Ted:
I think you need to add Lainey from laineygossip.com to your blogroll—she's awesome!
—Judy

Dear "Judy":
Will do. Particularly love L's "Jock Smut" section. You can smell the skanky sweat before you click on!

Dear Ted:
Why doesn't your handsome husband ever make an appearance in Truth, Lies & Ted?
—Lynn, Connecticut

Dear Hidin' Hubby:
Because he is wise.

Dear Ted:
Is it just me, or do you—when you look in your crystal ball—sometimes envision a very overweight 60-year-old Lindsay Lohan with a skinny jaded Sam? Kind of like a Liza & David or an Elizabeth & Michael.
—Thrasher

Dear Old Maid:
Not a chance. L.L. can only last on the same-sex team for so long.

Dear Ted:
Could Fake à la Ferocity from One Two-Timing Blind Vice be Melanie Griffith? She's sure got a hunk, as well as the bedroom toys.
—Smith

Dear Poker Face:
The only needle Mel believes in is for Botox. Oh, wait, forgot. E!'s legal department has a big Botox vial up its butt about that particular cosmetic procedure, so never mind. Suffice it to say, Mel's pretty far off; think younger, but equally successful in the man-eating department.

Dear Ted:
Now that Angelina has all those kids and travels around the world wearing a shawl helping children, everyone acts like she's some hot Mother Teresa. Has everyone forgotten how she lured Billy Bob Thornton away from then girlfriend Lara Dern? Or her shameful behavior with then married Brad? What gives, Ted?
—Tina B.

Dear Silly Saint:
Nice girls also finish last. Angie certainly wouldn't be where she is today if she played by the rules, so her PR stunt is working. For now.