AP Photo/Dan Steinberg, Steve Granitz/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
So I read what was written about Miley Cyrus in your Hot and Underage in Hollywood Gallery. Do you think you would have the guts to say this to her face? I'm 16 and I'm really, really disgusted, 'cause it's not just Miley you're implying is a slut but all us girls who don't conform to society's messed-up expectations and double standards about how we should act. It probably doesn't matter, but I'm done with you.
—A
Dear Sweet Sixteen:
Cyrus does dress and act too sexy for a 16-year-old, especially one whose every choice is scrutinized by the world. If she doesn't want the jailbait comparison, she should put some damn clothes on and stop taking photos of herself in her skivvies and posting them on the 'net.
Dear Ted:
Yes, you are right about calling out Nicole Kidman for not apologizing or acknowledging what her hired goons did to the photographers. But does this affect her role? I recall Angelina Jolie's hired hands were not the most polite individuals; it did not have a bearing on her appointment from the U.N. Maybe you can answer the question as to why are Brangie and Kidman considered A-listers but their movies do not generate massive box office returns? Is there a new system to who achieves A-list status?
—Rhonda
Dear Top-Shelf Stars:
Scoring a spot on the A-list comes from how much money you make per movie; how much awards love you receive; and how much you're talked about. At one point Angie and Nic had all three, while now they're both just rich and get talked about (though Angie at least tries once in a while with all those tear-jerkin' dramas).
Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Justin Timberlake's mom? Does she keep her son's balls in a box under her bed or what? She seems a little overly possessive of her grown son. Or does J.T. still really need his mommy?
—Bubbley
Dear Momma's Boy:
We all need our mommies. And in Lindsay's case, an entirely new mom. J.T.'s mom would hardly land a spot on the top 10 worst celeb matriarchs.
Dear Ted:
Isn't a sober Lindsay worth more to her mother than a strung-out Lindsay? Her potential as an actress could have earned her millions. It's shallow, but why doesn't her mother see that and get her sober, rather than leech off her meager current earnings as a strung-out addict?
—Lemon
Dear Mommy Dreariest:
Dina isn't concerned with Lindsay at all anymore, sober or not—Mama Lohan actually thinks she's the star. She even has her own friggin' shoe line! Which appears to be a bigger priority in her life than keeping tabs on her daughters.
Dear Ted:
I am gonna shake things up with a baseball question. What is the appeal of A-Rod? He is not the conventional beauty (à la Cristiano Ronaldo, yummy). Does Kate Hudson see something special in him? The cliché of dating a pro athlete? Or is she dating him for his big bat? Wouldn't that be delish?
—Tracy
Dear Date Like Kate:
I think you answered your own question. Same thing Madonna saw in him. A good (brief) time.
Dear Ted:
So I gave up and finally watched Twilight. I actually thought it was entertaining, and a good addition to the teen genre—even with the clichés. But since it's been 15 years since exiting teenhood for me, can you clarify few items for me about today's teenagers: Are they really that awkward? Do pretty teenage girls often aspire to look like 45-year-old Vegas waitresses and therefore dye their hair abnormally blond? Do teenage chaps tend to display their attraction to a girl by pretending they are barfing?
—Clueless in Europe
Dear Twi Research:
It's a fantasy. Today's teenagers do much weirder crap (as they should) and we'll never be able to explain.
Dear Ted:
Does Katie Holmes have friends or did she have friends before and Tom just kind of put a stop to all of that? She looks so lonely and gloomy in all the pics I see of her.
—Just Wondering
Dear Lonely Lady:
Does Suri count as a friend? Or Victoria Beckham, even if they only hang at soccer matches and fashion events? Katie needs to join a book club and meet some other gals. May I recommend Andrew Morton's Tom Cruise tome as their first read?
Dear Ted:
I'm kinda new to your blog, and slightly stalkerish, too, I might add. But I have a Q regarding the lovely Rob Pattz. As Edward Cullen, I think he is hotter than hell. As himself...not so much. Especially when he opens his trap called a mouth. What're your thoughts on his *cough* singing *cough*?
—Naazneen
Dear Snarky:
Whoa, you belittle the A.T.'s precious pet Pattinson and still want a question answered? That puss of his practically pays his bills. And if music comes out of it, we'll give it a listen.
Dear Ted:
I can't help but laugh at the little girls tracking the every move of Nick Jonas. Can we put aside their delusion and just focus on the fact that the Jonas Brothers are so boring their fans have to make up a relationship for some excitement? When will we finally get the dirt on these guys? You can't tell me they are as angelic as they seem...
—hunny
Dear Good Boy:
Sadly, I think they're as goody-two-shoes as they seem, at least when it comes to those purity rings. Not like they don't want it, but don't act on their impulses. Which definitely ain't characteristic of some other Disney kids who would love for you to believe they wear their halo 24/7.
Dear Ted:
I'm new to your column—but already addicted! My question is, if you say Ben Affleck is really into family life with Jen Garner (who, like you, I loathe) than why does he look so miserable in every photo op with said family? I'm sure he loves his adorable daughters—but when will he ditch her already?! Also, I saw that there is a connection between Ben and Toothy—please don't tell me Ben is Toothy Tile! He just can't be! Right?
—Lucie
Dear Happy Hubby?:
He's gloomy 'cause look who he's with! You'd be moody, too. But B.A. doesn't have to worry about being Toothy. Just how to get the hell away from tightass Garner.