Brad Barkel/Getty Images; Stephen Lovekin/Getty ImagesDear Ted:
Ted, chill. If I were Kate Gosselin, I would probably just slit my throat, especially if I had eight kids. And as far as spanking the little one, she popped her on the bottom. My spankings were with a flyswatter! You used to be really cool. Not liking this new Ted. Love celebrity gossip but not rudely presented. You are too nice to act like this.
—B
Dear Hanky-Spanky:
Since when have I ever wanted to be considered nice? Also, it looks like you've got a bigger problem than defending a reality-TV mom!
Dear Ted:
How pathetic is it that Chris Brown beats his girlfriend nearly to death and gets nothing but probation and some community service?! I just don't get it. Let's see, people are supposed to believe that homosexuality is an awful sin, but it's OK to beat your partner to a bloody pulp? Will our society ever figure out what is really important and how to set a good example?
—Jill, Pa.
Dear Wrist Slap:
Kinda comparing apples and wife beaters there in the first part, but as far as the second part's concerned: It won't be today, and it won't be tomorrow, but maybe the day after tomorrow?
Dear Ted:
I understand and appreciate that domestic violence is seriously wrong, but why is everyone still lambasting and boycotting Chris Brown when Phil Spector's music is still being freely aired? Don't you think it's slightly hypocritical to shun the man who hits his girlfriend but virtually ignore a man who was tried and convicted of murder?
—Molly
Dear Not the Same:
Phil's work was behind the scenes, so it's easy to focus on the singer of a Spector song and ignore his work completely. C.B. can't be avoided as he's his own brand and (unfortunately) the main selling point of any album or tune he puts out.
Dear Ted:
I really don't understand the hate against Megan Fox. Only because she supposedly "hooked up" with Robert Pattinson doesn't mean she's a bad person. I'm a straight, happily married woman, and I even find Megan Fox attractive! The Robsten fans really need to stop hating on her just because she called Rob "ridiculously attractive." She is cool, and no, does not look like a Bratz doll.
—Jenna
Dear Foxy Lady:
They're just jealous.
Dear Ted:
To be honest, I don't really care if Robsten is happening or not. I like both actors separate or apart. My only concern is that it seems some of these Robsten fans are pretty obsessed, in a "no one can be near Edward except Bella" kind of way. They trash any actress acting in a movie with him or any woman rumored to be breathing his air. I know it's a gossip column and most people like to get their Robsten fix, but I just worry that some of these fans can't see reality from fiction. Rob = Rob, not Edward. I am actually excited to see Remember Me. It's nice to see him with other actresses and smiling in a film. Is that so wrong?
—Rachel
Dear Voice of Sanity:
We prefer his patented brood, but won't say no to a grin. We also prefer Kristen as his leading lady, but there's nothing wrong with a li'l change now and then! Professionally speaking.
Dear Ted:
Sexiest man alive has to be Viggo Mortensen! Those smoldering eyes and fantastic body. Who can forget the naked fight scene from Eastern Promises? He is multitalented, intelligent and, well, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Don't you think he would make a great Sexiest Man? Here's hoping he gets the recognition he deserves.
—Hot for Viggo
Dear Vig or Vamp:
You and Malin Akerman, who's superhot herself, are both into Viggo! Can't blame ya. But our endorsement is still behind R.Pattz—maybe next year can be V.G.'s time to shine?
Dear Ted:
Stop the F-word, N-word foolishness! I agree with you, it depends on the two people using it. I don't like either, so I don't say or want to be called either. Some people call their friends those words...heck, you use bitch as a compliment. If someone who'd never read your blog saw it one day, they would be shocked, but people that know you understand what you mean. It's all about intent. Clearly Perez intended to be a jerk. And after him babbling on for weeks about Carrie Prejean and equal rights, now he just looks like a fool.
—xc1148
Dear Wordsmith:
We shouldn't ban words just for existing—but how about banning certain people who have no idea how to use 'em?
Dear Ted:
Don't get me wrong, I like the vampire hype just as much as anyone. But if I recall, Stephen Moyer was talking about Edward Cullen, not Pattinson! You're starting a war. Moyer would hardly ever say something like that to the media about a fellow Brit—he was talking about how the characters were different. Moyer's too much of a gentleman. I'm sure it's all in fun, but you're blowing this way out of proportion.
—"Team Bill" in Texas
Dear Bloody War:
To some fans out there, Pattinson is Edward Cullen, and a diss to one is a diss to both.
Dear Ted:
It seems like Kristen Stewart visits E! Online for the latest gossip. She tweeted today laughing at the fact Brüno has a crush on Rob. She also added a link for the video on E!'s website. Here is her exact tweet: "hahahahahahahahahahahahaha." Sorry it's not as juicy as you would like, but it's an update.
-C
Dear Oh Really?
Last we heard, K.Stew didn't have a Twitter account. Has she changed that status?
Dear Ted:
So very sorry to hear about Butch. I recently adopted Brody, my pit bull, from a shelter. He was labeled "Urgent." I almost didn't take him because I know what's coming in about ten years, but he's so worth it. No one will ever take Butch's place, but you saved a life and you can save another.
—Lynn and Brody
Dear Sweet Couple:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Dear Ted:
Will you please, please, please put some sort of note at the bottom of one of your columns explaining to the lunatics who post obsessively in the comments section of your Robsten items that it is not strictly their domain? They are becoming meaner and meaner, and though I love your Robsten comments, the bitterness and foul-mouthed opinions from these people (most are surprisingly not even teens) is out of hand. Please! Maybe if you call them out on it, they will knock it off. I know you want the hits, but please ask them to be civilized.
—CEVaughan
Dear Bullied:
Sorry, babe, that's not my territory! They're allowed to roam free, tho yes, I wish they did so less rudely to non-Robstenites.
Dear Ted:
Feel you backtracking a bit. Absolute devotion doesn't match "casually hooking up" or "with friendly fringe benefits." So what is it, my friend? Are Robsten serious or not? You seriously didn't need the hits from trolls, and that is just what you are going to get. Who slapped your paws?
—Jennifer
Dear Dubious:
No backtracking whatsoever. These are kids who are seriously into each other, and everybody needs to let them chill, already!
Dear Ted:
I'm a big Robsten and Taylor Lautner fan. When you said Taylor isn't as innocent as he looks, what did you mean?
—K.C.
Dear Oh Get Real:
He's a superhandsome Hollywood star. I don't care how nice he is, he has closets. That's what we open here at the A.T., whenever possible.
Dear Ted:
I am addicted to your daily A.T. and Bitch-Back. You are witty, very humorous and keep people on their toes with your clues, and I always find myself laughing out loud and people looking at me weird. Can you tell me what has happened to Sean Hayes? I have not heard from or seen him for quite some time. He was the best part of Will & Grace.
—Marie
Dear Blast From the Past:
He got typecast playing gay dudes. And surprise! There aren't that many homo-friendly roles out there. Maybe they'll make a Milk 2? Doubt it.
Dear Ted:
Speaking of Lance Bass and People's Sexiest Man issue, why did they pose him with a woman? How "bold" of People to include sexy gay men, but I would really have liked to have seen Lance in a more true-to-life pose.
—Molly
Dear Bass Beauty:
Why did they pose him at all is our question. There's so much more delicious man meat out there!
Dear Ted:
What would happen if Jake Gyllenhaal and Hayden Christensen met each other? Would any sparks fly either from them or their significant others?
—Jill
Dear Double Date:
They'd all probably go get coffee and fall asleep in the middle of ordering.
Dear Ted:
I love your column, and I completely support your fight for what is a basic human right, not a basic heterosexual right. Although after reading your Obama Morning Piss, I did think it was worth mentioning that marriage is a state-controlled issue (apart from the disgusting idea of creating a Constitutional amendment to deny people their 14th Amendment rights.) If we want to see real change, we need to stop focusing so much on the president (whom the media covers nonstop) and start talking to our local legislatures.
—jnhogan
Dear Bossy:
OK, Mother.