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Let's set the scene, shall we?

You are a college freshman at New York University. Your dorm room windows overlook the big, beautiful balconies attached to the fancy apartment building next door. You often glare at them longingly, trying to remember life before you shared a tiny closet with a total stranger.

One day, you hear Jude Law is coming to New York to do Hamlet on Broadway. Lo and behold, soon after you spot him doing yoga on one of those very balconies. You think he's dreamy, so you watch regularly.

That is, until he spots you. Gasp!

Law does what any man who has yet to meet his illegitimate new baby would do: He throws oranges at your windows.

True story. Well, at least according to the NYU kids and the New York Post.

Of course, these students admit they were shouting at him, waving and snapping photos, but tossing produce isn't exactly neighborly.

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Keep track of Jude and his baby-mama drama right here.

When little Chastity Bono wished television audiences a good night and God bless more than 30 years ago, who knew she'd look so dapper in a suit?

Now Chaz Bono, the daughter son of Cher and Sonny Bono, gives his first live interview since beginning the process of becoming a man eight months ago. Some of his thoughts were downright enlightening.

"To me, gender is between your ears, not between your legs," he tells Chris Cuomo on Good Morning America. "I've felt male as far back as I can remember. As a child, it was really clear. I felt like a boy."

He goes on to explain why being a lesbian is just the "simple answer" for him.

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Vampires and werewolves aren't for everyone (yeah, right!). Just ask Miley Cyrus.

She thinks Twilight is bad news!

"I've never seen it and nor will I ever," she tells Ohio's Q92-FM backstage at a concert. "It's a cult. I don't believe in it."

And she wishes you all would choose between Team Miley and Team Hannah Montana rather than worry about Team Edward and Team Jacob. Or at least buy more of her T-shirts.

"I don't believe in it. I don't like vampires. I don't like any of the stuff. I don't like the wolf that pops out of the screen when I'm watching my TV at night. I don't like it. I don't want anything to do with it. I don't like the shirts. I don't like any of it."

Like, she's, like, really anti-New Moon and the gang. Like, really.

"And like, it's just, I feel it's like, seriously, it's like people get like really into it. And maybe it's 'cause I'm like people always like fall in love with the characters, I don't know. It makes me not like, I don't know. I'm not into it," she says.

"But I feel really lame 'cause everyone's like so excited and I'm like not gonna talk about it."

You said it. We didn't.

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Turn your head if you want, Miley, but here's New Moon Rising!

People

Hugh Jackman, it's time to pass the baton.

Johnny Depp has been named People's 2009 Sexiest Man Alive.

He joins Brad Pitt and George Clooney as only the third to earn this prestigious title for a second time—Captain Jack Sparrow won in 2003 as well.

Too bad most guessers in the Twitterverse were completely offtrack. The magazine offered clues over the past few days, promising the man on the stands would have roots in a foreign country, has proposed at least once and was taller than Ryan Seacrest. All signs pointed to Robert Pattinson or Ryan Reynolds.

But the magazine tends to choose an older, more established star, and the 46-year-old definitely still has it goin' on.

The issue goes on sale Friday.

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Not enough hotness for you this morning? Here's 10 Guys We Crave.

Playgirl.com

UPDATE: The fine folks at Playgirl.com have offered this image of the hockey boy in the shower. No sticks, though—just hairy pits.

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Levi Johnston must be more bashful than we thought.

After all the hype, the father to Sarah Palin's grandson won't be giving Playgirl the full monty. What a tease!

"[Levi] did not give 'full frontal' as his manager Tank [Jones] reported he would," Daniel Nardicio, a spokesman for Playgirl, told the New York Daily News.

However, the rep does promise minor peeks at Bristol Palin's ex's goodies and that the overall, ahem, package is sure to please.

"We're thrilled with the photos we got, and are confident people will love them, but although there may be glimpses, we did not get full on frontal nudity."

So much for that "aspiring porn" career! Sounds like there may be one less thing to talk about at the Palin family Thanksgiving dinner table.

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There was no nudity (or even a moon) on the New Moon red carpet, but everyone looked hot nonetheless.

Jeff Vespa/ Getty Images, Courtesy Asprey

When you're as shiny as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, it would stand to reason that you would create shiny things too, right?

Hollywood's most golden couple have teamed with high-end jeweler Asprey for a capsule collection called the Protector, according to Women's Wear Daily. The shimmering gold and silver accessories are inspired by snakes.

You know, because nothing says precious metals and stones like slithering creatures. And dudes with really hideous beards.

The limited-edition collection hits stores this week, with prices starting at $525 for a silver baby spoon. Proceeds benefit Education Partnership for Children of Conflict, which Angie cofounded.

Apparently, the mega mama received a snake ring just before giving birth to Shiloh and she considered it a protector of her family.

Speaking of families, you'll never guess who else is designing glittery baubles?

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Fredrick Breedon/Getty Images, Taylor Hill/Getty Images, Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

For all the love Taylor Swift receives from the music industry and elsewhere, she has a rather vocal handful of detractors.

Kanye West's giant diss was the talk of the CMA Awards Wednesday night, but he wasn't the only person who questioned the starlet's success.

"It's too much too soon," Wynonna Judd told USA Today of Swift's numerous nominations, especially the one for Entertainer of the Year (which she won, along with three other gongs). "Time is God’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. It’s just too much of a good thing too soon."

But comparisons of the hip-hopper and country star's comments end there.

Judd didn't blog an all-caps opus of a disingenuous apology, delete it and try again. And we're guessing she won't be appearing on a talk show crying and announcing a break from the spotlight.

Instead, she wrote a short and sweet note on her website.

"I understand that my comment about Taylor Swift's Entertainer of the Year nomination came across as a negative statement," she says. "My intent was not to take anything away from her talent and contributions to the country music industry...all of which are truly unprecedented for an artist of ANY age. Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business."

Yeezy, are you paying attention?

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See what else went down Wednesday night in our 2009 CMA Awards gallery!

Denise Truscello/Getty Images

UPDATE: Julianne has confirmed that she and Chuck have entered the just-friends zone.

"We're both just really, really busy with our careers, and we spend a lot of time apart from each other, so we're just taking a little break right now, she tells People. "Honestly, Chuck and I are such good friends—we still hang out all the time, and we're still writing together."

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Just 24 hours earlier, sources close to the couple were telling Since we've already learned that hand-holding equals a hot and heavy relationship, we'll have to apply that new rule to people who aren't in vampire movies as well.

Despite reports that 21-year-old Dancing With the Stars hottie Julianne Hough and her 30-year-old country boy Chuck Wicks had called it quits, the handsome pair may still be together.

And how do we know?

Because they were totally holding hands at the CMA Awards last night!

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Twitter

We knew it!

When those photos of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart holding hands hit the Internet last night, we did a little victory dance. Seriously, it was about time.

We're not the only ones who felt that way. Costar Peter Facinelli was quick on the draw to twitter his reaction.

No, he didn't exactly share in our glory, nor did he congratulate them or wish them luck and future happiness. Nope. He made a joke, and a good one at that.

"Co-stars caught holding hands," he writes next to a linked image. "Guess this picture proves everything."

The photo, however, isn't the one of #Robsten. It's of #Pellan—himself plus Kellan Lutz—walking hand-in-hand through an airport. It's almost as romantic as that preplane snuggle.

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Get so much more on our comprehensive Vampire Party page!

AP Photo/Kristie Bull/Graylock.com

Classic television never dies.

Apparently, in the case of Cheers and Frasier, neither will one of its biggest stars. At least, not for another 86 years.

Kelsey Grammer, who suffered a near-deadly stroke and heart attack in May 2008, told the New York Post his longevity has been determined by a higher power.

"One day I asked: How old am I going to be when I die?" he tells the newspaper. "And I had the Bible in front of me so I just closed my eyes, opened it up to a page in the Book of Job and I pointed. There was a reading that said when I die I am going to be 140 years old. And I like that."

The Hank star admits "faith in God" has helped him through his failed marriages, failed shows and other difficulties, but says he's not really the church type.

"I don't go to church," he says. "I read the Bible a lot. I'm fine with the Book of Matthew because there's a lot in there about working out your own salvation."

The 54-year-old Emmy winner also says he talked to "[his] angels" throughout his health crisis more than a year ago.

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Jennifer Garner pushes her little angels on a swing in the Big Picture gallery!

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Accessories Council, Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images

It takes more than a revealing outfit and a hot body to be Megan Fox. It takes a mouthful of inappropriate sound bites.

Lady Gaga is well on her way.

Known for wearing little more than a leotard—giant hats excluded—the pop star was honored Monday with the Stylemaker Award at the 13th annual Accessories Council Excellence Awards. She didn't disappoint when she donned one of her hefty signature lace headpieces.

However, when she finally lifted the veil to speak, what came out was a Fox-worthy (not to be confused with Jeff Foxworthy) phrase, pointing out her favorite accoutrement to any outfit. It wasn't quite what we expected.

"I think we all must remember that the ultimate accessory is the condom," she told the audience, according to the New York Post.

The difference between the two hot shooting stars? Gaga was said to have forgone the meal at the fancy event and played with her Barbie doll at the table instead. Something tells us Megan wouldn't take it that far.

Or would she?

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Both Megan and Gaga should be considered Fashion Police all-stars, don't you think?

PacificCoastNews.com

Watch out, vamps! The Vikings are comin' through!

Sound like a cheerleader's battle cry? That's because it is.

New Moon star Dakota Fanning has returned to her typical teenager life at North Hollywood's Campbell Hall Episcopal High School, where she does her own impressive stunt work as a cheerleader for the home team, pom-poms and all.

And, not unlike her dominance over young Hollywood, the 15-year-old totally rules the school. Seriously, who needs an Oscar when you've already been named homecoming princess?! The flowers are the same and a tiara totally trumps a statuette because you can wear it as a badge of honor!

Plus, we're guessing Miss Fanning got to a take a twirl around the dance floor Friday night with lucky number 47. Not too shabby!

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Dakota looks scary serious in New Moon Rising. 18 days!