Review in a Hurry: Remember when "from the creators of The Matrix Trilogy" meant more karate chops for your buck? After Speed Racer and now the shoulda-been-a-video-game Ninja Assassin, we're not buying it anymore.
The Bigger Picture: As a kid, Raizo (big-in-Korea pop star Rain) was orphaned, given to the Ozunu Clan and brought up in the ways of the ninja. But as the boy became a man, he fell in love and turned his back on his mentor (martial arts legend Shô Kosugi). Now, it's ninja versus ninjas! To the death!
Sounds promising, yes? But this way-too-frantic noisefest cooked up by the Wachowski brothers turns out to be just a mess of choppy editing and bad CGI. Yes, 100 throwing stars coming straight at our hero sounds cool, but while the energy is there, the action sequences end up muddled and nearly unwatchable.
Imagine a video game that has decent cut scenes but terrible game play. That's Ninja Assassin.
Director James McTeigue goes by the more-of-everything rule, flinging endless amounts of weaponry, like the aforementioned flying stars, samurai swords and a crazy sickle that spins from a chain. It all looks dangerous, sure, but also really fake, as an endless supply of C.G. blood splatters all over the dojo.
One such battle royale takes to the streets, as Rain must avoid oncoming cars and a gazillion knives. The result is a car chase that feels like overkill. Plus, the end of nearly every scene is now the overused finishing move. So mostly you're just watching blurry ninjas until a single blade cuts its victim in half and the scene grinds to super slow motion. Rinse and repeat.
McTeigue got his start as a first assistant director on The Matrix flicks before directing V for Vendetta, which also had weak-sauce fight scenes. But Natalie Portman's performance and Alan Moore's story more than made up for it. Ninja Assassin ain't much of a story, and Rain rarely shows much emotion. Then again, can you blame him? He's playing a ninja.
The 180—a Second Opinion The preview audience went nuts every time Rain was onscreen—even more so when he was shirtless. So while he might not be the most expressive of actors, the pop sensation clearly has legions of devotees who could care less about all the lame fight scenes. Did we mention he's pretty much shirtless the whole time?
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