Brad Barket/Getty Images

Jon Gosselin came bearing gifts. He left one giant step closer to losing a wife.

The artists otherwise known as Jon & Kate met face to face at a Pennsylvania law office on Saturday for a daylong arbitration meeting to essentially put a stake in their marriage.

Sources close to TLC's former fun couple say that the Gosselins closed in on finalizing custody arrangements for the eight and the division of assets. Jon even showed up with a bouquet of roses at the start of the meeting as a symbol of his newfound commitment to make things right.

But while Kate seemed amenable to the terms of their divorce, she left sans flowers.

The final episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (at least as we know it) airs Monday. Their marriage could be over before the new year.

(Originally published Nov. 21, 2009, at 8:33 p.m. PT)

________

Revisit the demise of a reality-TV marriage in our Gory Gosselin Gossip gallery.

INFphoto.com

All was quiet on the Gosselin front—for a few days, anyway—but not anymore. And you have Kate Major to thank.

The tabloid reporter turned comically contracted personal assistant/romantic interest of Jon Gosselin is ready to launch a battle royale against the reality douche dad.

"One day this nightmare will hopefully end," she tweeted today. "If he would have told the TRUTH we wouldnt be in this position…."

You don't have to strain too hard to figure out the "he" to whom she's referring.

Major has already lawyered up in advance of a potential lawsuit, which, per RadarOnline, will include claims of breach-of-contract, fraud and loss of wages.

She claims that Gosselin apparently failed to make good on the hand-scrawled, half-baked terms of their contract, which promised Major a salary commensurate to her Star paycheck and "a percentage of accounts for payment based upon involvement."

Hey, Jon, ever feel like your best just isn't good enough?

________

Ever wonder why Jon just can't keep his mouth shut? You're in luck, 'cause so did Answer B!tch—and she somehow got to the bottom of his bottomless trap.

INFphoto.com

In between fake breaking up with his girlfriend, posing with fellow infamous pop-culture trainwrecks, befriending rabbis and showing a modicum of self-awareness by promoting mocking himself in viral videos, Jon Gosselin has found time to fight back against TLC.

The former reality TV dad is countersuing the Jon and Kate Plus 8 cable net, answering their widening breach-of-contract suit against him by claiming TLC not only violated child labor laws while filming his octobrood at their Pennsylvania compound, but made him sign a totally unfair contract that severely restricted him from pimping Ed Hardy, making the entertainment news show rounds and doing whatever else it is he does to earn money these days.

Aside from alleging that the network caused him to lose business opportunities and harmed his reputation (we weren't aware he needed help on that last one), Gosselin claims in his $5 million suit that the network has also failed to make good on the promise of some cold, hard cash.

"Jon is going to court with a slingshot and is going to aim it at the eye of the monster, TLC," attorney Mark Heller told E! News.

Keep Reading

Ben King/Startraksphoto.com

In an interview with PopEater, Jon Gosselin talked about the holidays. He said that he'd be spending Christmas with his kids and Kate. He explained that those are joint custody days, so they are all forced to be together. He said that he plans to buy all of his gifts online—I'm assuming from an Ed Hardy store and always taking up the free gift-wrapping offer. He plans on asking his landscapers not to rake all of the leaves so that the kids can make a couple of piles and jump on them. I'm sure he'll have the kids bag those up when they're finished with what sounds like a terrible game. He also likes to make apple crisp, so he's going to let the kids pick apples for him and then he'll whip that up. 

He called all of this tradition, but I call it child slavery. The only part of the story that I didn't think sounded awful was when he said Kate makes "sticky buns."

That phrase always makes me giggle.

_______

For more that'll make you giggle, check out Chelsea Handler's blog.

Gilbert Carrasquillo / Getty Images

Hailey Glassman and Michael Lohan have never met a camera they didn't like. But right about now they're probably wishing they had just kept their media-whoring mouths shut.

And if they're not, then Jon Gosselin certainly is.

TLC's pit-bull law firm has unveiled its wish list of Gosselin hangers-on to be grilled in the network's breach-of-contract suit against the octodad, and in a surprise to no one, both Glassman and Lohan are tops on their wish list.

In addition to the publicity parasites, the Washington, D.C.-based firm of Williams & Connolly wants to depose Thomas Meinelt, the paparazzo turned Gosselin bodyguard who is no doubt harboring extensive dirt on his new boss; Jon's divorce attorneys Michael and Mark Heller; and Matthew Kirschner, the rep for the "talent" that is J.Goss.

Keep Reading

Twitter; Glibert Carrasquillo/Getty Images

Last night was Kate Gosselin's turn to speak and pause for dramatic effect get choked up. And because there's no way she could have the last word for more than a few hours, now it's Jon Gosselin's turn.

This time the word is "lieing." It reminds us of the time he misspelled his own name on a huge sign threatening some sort of "penelty" to trespassers at his home.

Of course, he takes a break from his current apology tour and starts today with a Twitter update that appears innocent enough. However, thanks to an extended tweet program, looks can be deceiving.

"Got up early this morning took Mady and Cara to the bus, Came home to then hug my other 6 little morsels," he begins. That's almost all you can see in the basic version but, if you dare click that ellipses-like link, you've got some of Papa G's patented spell-check-defying bitterness in store. He takes on ex-GF Hailey Glassman and then lays into Kate.

Prepare for the sweet to get increasingly salty.

Keep Reading

Diane Cohen/Fame Pictures

Déjà vu.

During Jon Gosselin's Sunday night appearance at New York City's West Side Jewish Center, the world's most famous reality dad had yet another public epiphany, alongside his newest companion, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

Everything got covered during Gosselin's forum, Gawker reports, including his excuse for arriving 40 minutes late. When he got over his own tardiness, he shared on his desire to be out of the spotlight, his rumored split with Hailey Glassman and his request for forgiveness from his estranged wife, Kate.

"I think I'm just misunderstood. I'm not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]," the reality star explained at the public event. "I don't sing. I don't dance. I'm not a Nobel Peace Prize winner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC."

TLC fame or not, Gosselin says he in no way condones his actions over the past few months.

"Half the stuff I've done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn't have done," he said. "I know that, but I did it anyway. It's like fame canceled out conviction. I didn't grow up this way. But I have to keep on going, keep on working and providing." And in regard to his children, Gosselin stated: "I know I'll have to explain my actions."

Keep Reading

James Devaney/Getty Images

Kate Gosselin may be smarter than we thought.

Just in case that big movie career doesn't pan out, the reality TV maven is making sure she can still provide for her 8.

TLC's top draw claimed on Monday's TV special that she was keeping up her credit hours just in case she had to go back to her original occupation, giving tender loving care as a nurse. She wasn't kidding—her nursing license was renewed with the Pennsylvania Department of State that very day!

See the certificate

Should she decide to scrub in, she'll have until Halloween 2011 before she has to renew it again. She was first issued her nursing license in 1997 after earning a degree in nursing studies from Reading Hospital and Medical Center, where she worked before having all those kids.

—Reporting by Lindsay Miller

________

In case you forgot what Kate's hair used to look like, there's always this.

Gaz Shirley/PacificCoastNews

No need to feel in the dark. We know we haven't given you a Jon and Kate Gosselin update since Tuesday, but we won't let you go into the weekend without your fix.

E! News has confirmed that the dynamic duo is due in court bright and early Monday morning for another arbitrator's conference in relation to their divorce proceedings.

Despite reports to the contrary, Jon's attorney, Mark Heller, tells E! News that the octodad is in "total compliance with the court's orders" demanding he pay back $180,000 of the $235,000 he supposedly took from the couple's joint bank account.

Keep Reading

DONNA SVENNEVIK/ABC

Jon may be enjoying special Hailey time in NYC, but Kate Gosselin's about to get some special TV time on TLC—and not just because Papa G and the network aren't exactly on the best of terms.

After bonding with Meredith Viera on Today and the ladies of The View, the finely coiffed mama has scored an hourlong special and a chance to bond directly with you.

The next episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is set to air next Monday—the same day they're due in court to continue hashing out their joint bank account drama—but instead of carting the kids to and fro, she'll be answering your pressing "questions about life, the show and moving on," the network announced. They're even calling the gig You Ask, Kate Answers.

Queries can be posted on TLC's main show site.

While there's no word as to the actual weight of the questions that'll make it on air, something tells us they'll be lighter than a certain Jiffy Pop-esque flying saucer.

________

Relive the good ol' days of Jon & Kate Plus 8 right here.

Visit Fancast to watch full episodes of your favorite shows and get the top TV quotes of the week.