The Wu-Tang Clan rapper showed up in court today (itself quite a feat, considering his propensity for shirking judges) and was subsequently sentenced to a year in drug rehab and three years' probation (again, quite a newsworthy happening) for some recent bad behavior. The case was the first test of a new California law barring felons from wearing body armor (yet more headline-worthy material).
But none of that was nearly as interesting, or amusing, as the oft-arrested rapper's rambling statement to the judge before the sentencing.
The artist formerly known as Russell Tyrone Jones, 30, offered Judge Marsha Revel his conspiracy theory about how police across the country in his hometown of New York City are out to get him.
ODB, implicated and later cleared in a purported shoot-out with New York's finest earlier this year, alleges the Gotham cops could fake evidence against him, leading to a longer rap sheet and serious jailtime.
"After I finish the [rehab] program, I live in New York," Jones said, according to wire reports. "What I'm saying is, I got a suit on the city. All the officers know me there. They're going to be looking to lock me up. I don't want no officers to be just kicking on me...I'm talking about getting picked on."
The judge then suggested ODB might want to relocate to friendlier climes if indeed a conspiracy exists. But the rapper wasn't swayed. "All my kids live there," he said.
(At one point during their exchange, the rapper told the judge, "Jesus loves you," to which she responded, "Thank you, I need all the love I can get.")
Ultimately, ODB was sentenced for two separate transgressions. First, he answered for allegedly making terrorist threats to a nightlcub bouncer. The body armor charge--he was a convicted felon (thanks to 1993 assault rap in New York) illegally wearing a bulletproof vest during a traffic stop--was the second. All told, he must serve a year in rehab, spend three years on probation, pay a $500 fine, lay off the booze and drugs, attend anger-management classes, stop packing heat and keep the body armor in the closet.
If he behaves himself for 18 months, the felony terrorist threat charge will be reduced to a misdemeanor.
It's been a surreal year for the rapper, who's bounced in and out of police custody on both coasts several times (we lost count at nine arrests).
Said the rapper as he exited the courthouse, "I can't take it. I just can't take it."