Whoever designed the Paris Hilton doll really captured the vapid, blank, soulless stare that the actual Paris possesses. In fact, it's almost hard to tell them apart, other than the fact that the human version is bigger, and the plastic one doesn't have a sex tape. Yet.   

This episode's challenge to win friendless Paris's favor is to "shop for some hot dolly clothes," a mission that doesn't sit too well with candidate Dave, who describes himself as a dude who's straight and likes football and beer.

So WTF is he doing on this show? Hey pal, 16 & Pregnant is down the hall.

Courtesy Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa

There's no denying that Joel McHale is one of the hardest working men in the business. And by "the business" we mean any business.

Go ahead, pick one. Mortician? He's tops in the field. Rodeo clown? Beloved by riders and ruminants alike.  Adult-film-production caterer? He set the standard. Barrel house piano player for wild west recreation shows? Name someone better. We rest our case.

But when he's not working hard, Joel likes to relax with a bottle of fine imported beer and an hour or six of Kitty Glitter gambling. It's one hell of a rush.

And when he's not doing that, you'll find McHale owning the world of stand-up comedy, traveling the country exchanging laughter for dollars. See if he'll be collecting in your fair city:

• July 10: Cape Cod Melody Tent, Cape Cod MA

• July 11: Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom, Hampton Beach NH

• July 12: Newport Yatching Club, Newport RI

• July 24: Humphrey's Concerts by the Bay, San Diego CA

• Sep 5: Silver Legacy Casino, Reno NV

In case you were busy huffing Airwick Solid (again) and thus unable to comprehend the remote control for your TV set last night, be aware that you missed a stellar appearance by a snazzy young Joel McHale on the Late Show with David Letterman.

Much was discussed, including a special anecdote on how upset Hugh Hefner was when Joel likened the aging playboy's skin to that of a football. Which Hef can now enjoy again, this time on network television. 

The Vietnam tourism board must be thrilled with Dr. Mike's choice in local cuisine, a beef tapeworm cyst.  

Yes, this game chap makes Andrew Zimmern seem downright finicky. Previously, the good doctor purposely scarfed raw, unwashed meat in order to grow a tapeworm in his guts. Now, join the fun in the bathroom, where he passes his lengthy special friend.

The thing is, he actually enjoys this.

Who knows where Michael Jackson's body may end up, but—according to the Today show—if it's Forest Lawn Memorial Park, he'll be sharing the soil with celebs like Liberace, David Carradine and Betty White.

Who, based on her continued acting career—including a recent appearance on Chelsea Lately and a stint playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon—is a zombie that continues to walk among the living.

For more video awesomeness, check out the Soup Blog's video gallery.

CBS, E! Entertainment

Once upon a time, he was a young man with a dream. Now, you know him as one of the greatest entertainers ever to grace the starry firmament of Hollywood. And he did it despite missing an eye.

We're talking about Sammy Davis Jr., of course, who appeared on the David Letterman show 20 years ago last month, and now Joel McHale is following in the Candy Man's small, stylish shoes.

Yes, your very own Soup host will be trading quips with cranky Dave tonight on The Late Show at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT. on CBS, as once did Sammy, who will be watching from heaven.

And don't forget that a brand new Soup will be wedging itself into your brainpan this Friday at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

The odd thing about Southern Belles: Louisville is that none of the belles has a southern accent.

But who cares about accents? When lantern-jawed honey Hadley sits down with her pal Russ, there are precious few words anyway. It's communication of google-eyes and smirks until Hadley finally reveals what she needs out of lovin', Mason-Dixon style.

It's not often that one hears a concerned mother admonish her daughters with, "Stop arguing! And no boob playing!"

But then it's not every day (hopefully) that one is watching Sex Decoy: Love Stings, wherein Sandra Hope pimps out her aptly named daughters Kashmir, Jasmine and Xanadu to lure potential philanderers into the act.

Watch as the sex bait sisters enjoy a bit of pre-case chest evaluation. Just like Angela Lansbury used to do on Murder She Wrote.

Legend has it that there are ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go bump in the night. And then there are old west hooker spooks that will grab a man's junk in broad daylight. Provided he's a haint-chasing stud from Ghost Adventures.

While most squirrels reside in the wild realm of mother nature, this furry friend has a different take on the traditional woodsy knothole.

Where he stores his nuts is anybody's guess.

Welcome to the polar opposite of Dance Your Ass Off.

No, it's not the latest E! reality vehicle, Stand There and Force Fistfuls of Food Into Your Pie Hole, but merely the annual July Fourth Nathan's 2009 Hot Dog Eating Contest.

Feel the national pride as clam-cramming champion Sonya Thomas and cranberry-sauce-stuffing superstar Juliet Lee go gullet to gullet over tube steaks.

Only in America.

A Playmate's life is filled with dilemmas, and for Kendra and her crew of BFF Hef vets, topping that list is whether or not to wear underwear on a night out in Vegas.  

For a woman who's made a career out of going au naturel, you'd think giggly Kendra's relationship with underwear would be distant at best.

But, with the threat that "bugs might crawl up it," the shield of panties is a prudent wall of defense, indeed.