Beauty Police: Madonna Attempts to Tap Into the Fountain of Youth With Harsh Makeup, Hair and a Gold Grill

"Material Girl" singer can't seem to act her age as she walks the red carpet

By Janna Mandell Feb 07, 2014 10:47 PMTags
MadonnaKevin Mazur/Getty Images for CBGB

What's up with Madonna? Does she ever look at photos of herself? Listen, we grew up with the "Material Girl" and love her as much as the next fan. But this attempt to channel a 21-year-old version of herself simply has to stop.

When we saw this photo of the 55-year-old singer at the CBGB Festival Presents Amnesty International Concert in New York, it was tough for us to take her seriously, which is such a shame since she was there to introduce formerly imprisoned ex-members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot.

We just wish Madge would embrace the fact that she's getting near the big 6-0 and give herself a softer more age-appropriate look.

Beauty Bailout: Let's start with the "I've been bleached more times than a couch on a porn film set" hair. Madonna needs to go for a darker, more natural-looking blond. In other words, stay away from the yellow and platinum shades that will soften her features and look more age appropriate.

From years of over-processing, those locks are looking pretty darn parched too. We would use a deep conditioning treatment specifically for colored hair like Aussie 3 Minute Miracle Deep Conditioning Treatment at least twice a week.

As for Madge's makeup, we know old habits are hard to break. She's been wearing that thick black liquid eyeliner since Ronald Reagan was President. Even though a black winged eye is considered a timeless trend, unless you're Sophia Loren, this look can be way harsh once you're past a certain age.

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

We would have used grey eyeliner like COVERGIRL Perfect Blend Eyeliner in Charcoal to line the upper last line and give it a slight swoop upwards at the outer corners for a kitten eye effect. Next, instead of using a harsh white on Madge's lids, we would have applied a softer, ivory eye shadow like Bobbi Brown Eye Shadow in Ivory all over her upper eye area.

Then, we would use an eye contour brush to apply a flattering pinkish plum eye shadow like Urban Decay Eye Shadow in Last Call to her creases in a back-and-forth windshield wiper motion. Then to add a little more drama, we would use a small eye brush to add a little matte eggplant eye shadow like Sunday Riley Prismasilk Eye Color in Burnt Eggplant just in the outer corners of the creases. Then we would blend like crazy to soften the look.

We definitely wouldn't change Madge's fluttery eyelashes or naturally-bold eyebrows. We don't mess with perfection.  We actually like Madge's honey nude lipstick but it would have obviously looked a hell of a lot better if she got rid of that grill.

At least Madonna must have read our assessment of her beauty look at the Grammys. It appears as though she discovered some heavy-duty concealer (or a good night's sleep) to cover up those dark eye bags she sported on music's biggest night.  Now if she could only get rid of the grill. Honestly, we're scared what she's going to come up with when she hits 60. Maybe she'll bring back the lace hair bow? 

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