For all the folks who cannot bear to let the year 1997 die, a Spice Girls tribute musical launched last night in London. Former Posh Spice Victoria Beckham deigned to show up and stand around, demonstrating exactly how one should behave at a Spice Girls musical. Let's take a closer look and let Beckham show us how it's done.

First of all, remind everyone who has the booming fashion empire. That's right, bitches—you. Not Scary Spice Melanie Brown. Not Melanie Chisholm, that girl with the gold tooth and tats. You.

J.Hud's tiny dress: Gotta Have It or Make It Stop?

Then pose with your criminally hot husband, and the proto-hot results of your fornications. Make them all wear Burberry, because, come on, there is no way those other former Spice Girls can afford that label.

Allow some poor sad fat gal in a non-Victoria Beckham dress pose with your ex-bandmates. Not sure whether she's fat? You can see her arms, silly. She's totally fat.

Let your former bandmates get wasted in their prom dresses and dance around. You will be busy making yet another proto-hot baby with your ridiculously sexy husband in the bathroom.

How to pose like Victoria Beckham, starring Victoria Beckham

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