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Salma Hayek, Cannes Film Festival

NIVIERE/VILLARD/SIPA

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We know exactly what you're thinking: Where did Salma Hayek-Pinault get that awesome clutch bag? Well, here at Fashion Police we can read your mind, girl, and we're here to tell you that it's...

Oh, please, we're less than three sentences in and already this farce has gone on long enough!

Just. Look. At. Those. Knockers.

The 45-year-old actress relived her racy telenovela days with over-the-top eye makeup and a bra-popping, trumpet-style gown during the Madagascar 3 premiere at Cannes. According to designer Gucci, the brown dress has a beaded bodice and chiffon skirt...

Right. Because anyone looking at this gown is just dying to know about the bodice on that frock. It's beaded? Really? Wow, thanks for that, Gucci.

As for Salmita's motives for busting out at the sexiest film fest of the year, we can only wonder about the recent courtroom showdown that her hubby, François-Henri Pinault, went through.

You know, the legal mess involving a certain supermodel who wanted bigger child support payments from Mr. Pinault over a certain, inconvenient love child?

Hey, look: When you have Linda Evangelista catwalking into a courtroom every day, reminding you that she banged your man when you weren't looking, sometimes the only thing you can do is whip out your ta-tas. We understand completely.