The day has finally come! After a brief look at the previous (fictional) season of Burning Love that had Joe Rutherford (Ben Stiller) proposing to Symphony Hodge (Christine Taylor), we got to watch this season's bachelor meet his contestants.
Our man is Mark Orlando (Ken Marino), a firefighter who is "looking for someone who can make me laugh, but isn't afraid of robots." After a discussion about the proper PC term for "ethnic women" with host Bill Tundle (Michael Ian Black), we're on to the ladies.
The highlights include Mandy (Kristen Bell), who is excessively religious; Willow (Malin Akerman), who is homeless and really just wants a roof over her head and some Doritos; and Julie (June Diane Raphael), who is "damaged goods" and also isn't great at remembering quotes.
But the "lady" who really caught Mark's eye was Ballerina (Ken Jeong), who Mark said was "so exotic." Some later banter with carrots only deepens the bond.
Then, a twist! The women will vote off the first contestant. They decide that Ballerina was the biggest threat, and though Mark argues for "the blind one" to go home instead, we bid farewell to Ken Jeong.
After the hose ceremony, Mark sends home Tamara (the blind one), Dana (the bear) and Destiny (the "dancer"). The big reveal: Dana was actually Jennifer Aniston, who regrets the bear suit decision. But then, most decisions involving bear suits lead to regrets.
"I think so. I take that back: I know so. I take that back: yes." —Mark
"I feel like a male cinderella, which is not that inaccurate because my stepmother was very cruel to me. Like borderline abusive." —Mark
"I hope you like nice things, because I have a lot of money." —Titi
"I'm so excited, I feel like one of these women could end up being my wife. Or at least my fiancee. For a while." —Mark
"I would really like to start a family sometime soon. Maybe June...19th...somewhere around there." —Vivian
"I'm gonna rub one out to you later." —Ballerina
"Virginity is like a bubble...one prick, all gone" —A wise man, once
Tune in next Monday for another all-new episode of Burning Love, 10/9c on E!