ALL CHELSEA

Bo-No You Don't!

A Canadian woman on longterm sick leave for depression says she lost her benefits because her insurance agent found photos of her on Facebook in which she appeared to be happy. 

She claims that the agent described several photos that were found on the social networking site and decided that she is no longer in need of depression medication and that she should return to work.  The photos included shots of the woman having a "good time" at a Chippendales bar.

The insurance company claims that they wouldn't cancel an account based solely on photos from a website, but they also refused to comment on the case. 

I don't know what the truth is, but I will say if they did in fact cancel her depression medication based on those pictures, they got it wrong.  If anything, they should have prescribed extra medication.  A woman over the age of 21 at a Chippendales bar is not a sign that things are going well, unless that woman's man's name is Chaz Bono

Lately…Down Under

We have finally arrived in Australia. Chuy is currently trying to get out of the baby kangaroo outfit that I made him wear on the flight over. The zipper is in the back, and his arms are extremely short, so it's a bit of a challenge for him…but fun for me.

The flight was nice and quiet, thanks to the painkillers that I'm currently taking for my back. I was worried that Heather McDonald would talk my ear off, so I gave her a Spanish dictionary and told her to study up on her Australian. Upon arrival at the hotel, she said "Buenos Dias" to the greeters, so I feel satisfied that she took me seriously.

Chris Franjola is currently on Facebook trying to find out if any of his "friends" between the ages of 19 and 23 live in Sydney, and Brad Wollack is putting on what he calls sunscreen but I call a sweater.

So far things are going well, and I anticipate no major issues until Guy Branum figures out that Manly Beach is actually just a beach and not what the name suggests. I don't know how much free time we'll have after work, but I look forward to spending some time away from my staff.

Sarah Colonna is the only staff member who hates everyone as much as I do, and that's why I'm going to share my vicodin with her.

Assisting Jon Gosselin

Jon Gosselin, Kate Major INFphoto.com

Kate Major, the former Star reporter who was involved with Jon Gosselin, is attempting to sue him. 

Back in June, Jon and Kate allegedly reached an "agreement" that she would work for him as his personal assistant. Kate claims Jon told her that she would earn a percentage from his accounts. Reportedly she quit her job under the assumption that she would be able to take this job. 

I don't know what kind of duties a personal assistant for Jon Gosselin would have to perform, but I assume it would involve several trips to the Ed Hardy store. This alleged "contract" was written on a cocktail napkin after some sort of weekend they spent together. 

I actually sort of feel sorry for Jon Gosselin. I promised to hire Chuy on a Del Taco wrapper at 3 a.m. after a magical weekend together at Sea World, and I haven't been able to get rid of him since.

Anticipating Twilight

New Moon, Fans Dahvi Shira

The new Twilight movie, New Moon, has people in a frenzy.  The movie became the biggest advance seller in history for Fandango.  Movie theaters had to add it to extra screens in order to accommodate people who can't wait to see the film.  In Los Angeles, over 500 people camped out for the premiere so that they could get a glimpse of the brooding actors. 

First of all, I don't camp unless it's in a hotel.  Second, do these people realize that movies play in theaters for a while?  The last time I saw hundreds of people waiting in line to watch people suck was for the Spice Girls reunion.

More Friends?

Lisa Kudrow Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Lisa Kudrow spoke to US Magazine about the rumors of a Friends reunion.  She said that the reunion is not currently in the works, contrary to reports that say otherwise.  She explained that the show's creators don't think it's a great idea, but on top of that, "everyone is busy!" 

No, they aren't.  A couple of them are, but I'm pretty certain that Matt LeBlanc and David Schwimmer would be able to pencil it in between haircuts and watching their own True Hollywood Story.

Kate Gosselin’s Hair Don’t

Kate Gosselin Lisa Berg/NBC

Kate Gosselin tackled an important issue on a recent episode on Jon & Kate Plus Eight: her hair.  With all that is going on in her life, I'm glad she took the time to address this.

I'm not glad that she said she is happy with her choice of hairstyle, but I can't expect us to be on the same page about everything.  Kate told the cameras that a lot of women come to her book signings sporting her famous hairdo, and that those women are "very happy" when she notices. 

I'm sure they are.  If you walked around looking like a lesbian fireman, you'd want someone to notice too.

Carrie Prejean’s Gifts

Carrie Prejean AP Photo/Mark Humphrey

Apparently Carrie Prejean is a really big fan of herself.  She has been telling anyone that will listen that her non-sex sex tape was the "biggest mistake" of her life. 

Now RadarOnline has reported that there are 7 more tapes where that came from, along with 30 or so nude pictures.  I can't imagine taping myself alone once, let alone several times.  She has insisted that the discovered tape was made for a boyfriend and that she trusted him.  I assume the other 7 were also made for him. 

I have to say, as annoying as she is, she sounds like she's a pretty good girlfriend.  The only thing I've ever made for someone I was sleeping with was a phone call for a cab to come and pick them up after I climaxed.

Lindsay Lohan’s Alco-haul

Lindsay Lohan RACHPOOT/bauergriffinonline.com

Lindsay Lohan reportedly walked out on yet another bar bill last week.  She was at Crown Bar in Hollywood and ordered a bottle of champagne.  When the waitress brought her the check, she allegedly didn't have enough money and told the waitress to put it on Kellan Lutz's tab. 

I googled Kellan Lutz and discovered he is in the Twilight movies, so at least she made a good call on who may be able to cover her tab.  In other news, she has applied to legally change her name to Lindsay Courtney Love Winehouse.

Chris Brown is Chillin’

Chris Brown, Twitter http://twitter.com/MECHANICALDUMMY

In a recent interview with MTV News, Chris Brown addressed his dating status. He said that for now he is just "kinda chillin."  Translation:  I punched my last girlfriend in the face, so women aren't exactly lining up around the block to go out with me.  He followed that statement by saying, "I mean, I'm Chris Brown…I'm not saying it like that…"  We know you're Chris Brown.  You don't have to beat us over the head…oh, oopsie.

Affair Game

Kourtney Kardashian, Scott Disick Flynetonline.com

Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend and father to her unborn baby, Scott Disick, has been rumored to be unfaithful to Kourtney.  Star reports that she was recently so fed up with the cheating rumors that she asked Scott to take a lie-detector test.  He passed, so the two are in good shape for now.  I really enjoy reading stories with such happy endings.  I'm so glad a polygraph test could get those two lovebirds back on track.  What…a beautiful story. 

Fashion Mistake

Ashlee Simpson Ramey Photo

Star is reporting that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz wants to start a clothing line.  Now that she has some free time on her hands due to the firing from Melrose Place, she's started sketching some ideas.  I also read that she plans to reprise her London role of Roxie in Chicago on Broadway.  I wasn't happy about that one because it would consist of her acting and singing, which are two things nobody wants to see her do in any combination. 

I've never really seen her or her husband Pete Wentz in anything but stretch pants, but if she wants to go into fashion I say:  Go for it, girl.  With Kirstie Alley and Mariah Carey blowing up…literally…stretch pants will always be in demand.  See also:  Lindsay Lohan.

Fa-shunning Lindsay

Lindsay Lohan Michael Caulfield/Getty Images

Emanuel Ungaro recently spoke out about the embarrassing clothing collaboration with Lindsay Lohan.  He said that it was a "disaster" and that his creation is "in the process of losing its soul" as a result of Lindsay's bad ideas.  He spewed his anger at a film festival in Lisbon.  I think that's kind of rude.  Everybody knows Lisbon is Lindsay's territory.