Lisa Vanderpump is having a party and everyone is invited. Literally, everyone who's ever been on the show. And some who simply have six degrees of Beverly Hills Housewives separation.
It's a special launch event for SUR, which stands for Sexy Unique Restaurant... (Um, really Lisa? We expected something wittier from you.) And all kinds of friends, enemies and ex-lovers are coming out of the woodwork on tonight's episode of RHOBH.
So who showed, who got kicked out, who brought the world's most inappropriate date and who didn't cry tonight? Lets get started!
For all her micromanaging, Lisa seriously goofed when it came to the guest list. Or at least she should have hired better bouncers.
Adrienne Maloof's chef Bernie was among the random partygoers in attendance, though Lisa pretended not to recognize her nemesis when he greeted her at the door. So then how did he wind up on the invite list?!
Of course, no party crasher could beat Cedric Martinez's entrance. Jaws dropped as Lisa's former houseboy walked in to congratulate the club owner. But if he was hoping for a warm-fuzzy moment, the Frenchman misjudged Lisa's wrath.
"I don't wish you any harm but, guess what, worse than that I don't wish you anything at all," barks the English lady before giving him the bloody boot.
She also has to get rid of a waitress who's getting the stink eye from Brandi Glanville. Scheana Marie dated her ex-husband, Eddie Cibrian, while Brandi was pregnant with their son. (And has also allegedly been involved with John Mayer.)
"I thought it was very sweet of her [Lisa] to look out for me in that way," says Brandi after the waitress is sent packing. Sweet, yes. But wouldn't it have been more fun to place a bunch of outrageous orders, get her running back and forth and then send everything back? Just saying.
Adrienne's less picky when pointing out that one of her hubby Paul Nessif's ex-girlfriends is at the bash—but she doesn't really seem to mind.
Kim Richards actually makes it to the party. Althought not on time, even after booking herself into nearby Maison 140 Hotel in Beverly Hills to get ready.
We almost feel bad for Ken watching Kim get ready. There's the hot pink vibrator she pulls on her makeup artist (and again later at the party!), all the scrambling on the bathroom floor, then Kim starts pulling out garbage in the limo ride over to the restaurant and rummaging through a paper shopping bag before she can get out of the car.
Pass the Trazodone, Topomax and Lexapro. We're starting to get anxious just watching her. The woman did just leave rehab so it's simply stating the obvious to say that Kim's got issues.
And, surprise, surprise, Ken is one of them.
Kim confesses to Kyle Richards that she's packed and plans to move out because Ken is mean and puts her down. And there's more. She's late. Three months late.
Still, we're with Kyle when she says, "What if it's menopause? No offense." (Especially since Kim was spotted at a Golden Globes party last night sans prominent baby belly.)
Besides, if we were gonna start questioning undesirable dates, candidate number one would arguably be Taylor Armstrong's made-for-TV therapist, Dr. Charles Sophy.
Taylor's got her voice back and she's not afraid to use it to invite her therapist to a party. Huh?!
According to her, the good doc knows all about her situation and is attending as a friend but from where we're sitting it looks a lot like a date. And that seems borderline unethical or, at the very least, weird—especially once Dr. Sophy starts mediating all of Taylor's interactions with her friends.
By the end of the episode Kim's locked in the bathroom and cursing to be left alone, Ken's banging to be let in, Adrienne's freaking out about being sued, Dr. Sophy's leading the Bev Hills ladies in a teary therapy session and Taylor's confessing to being trapped in a physically abusive relationship.
By 90210 standards, this bash is a roaring sucess, right?
So many memorable moments, so hard to choose a favorite. But was there a party guest who had you wondering WTF tonight? Sound off on this screwy soirée in the comments section below!