Review in a Hurry: Voicemails from beyond are the killer in yet another dunderheaded J-Horror remake. This one's a bloodless, brainless thriller that's a sad excuse for even more creepy-faced ghosts to toy with still more blank-faced actors.
The Bigger Picture: Some angry specters have figured out how to deal with savvy horror-film characters who know not to pick up the phone: Leave messages! Messages that kill.
Or at least, messages that just psych out the victims so they take care of themselves. Or maybe the ghosts are out of anytime minutes and don't want to get stuck on a long, awkward call with the people they're trying to kill for no apparent reason; that's as good a justification as any for the pointlessly twisted plot of One Missed Call.
College student Beth (Shannyn Sossamon) is predictably perturbed when her friends start dropping dead shortly after getting voicemails from their future selves, so she teams up with a detective (Ed Burns, either slumming yet again or finally finding his level) who's lost a sister to the mysterious curse. Together they glumly follow a trail of bodies and spooky ringtones, determined to discover the source before the cell tolls for them.
Supernatural horror doesn't have to make sense, but when it tries it shouldn't fail—as it does in One Missed Call, spectacularly and in thuddingly dull fashion.
And this movie's virtually scare-free to boot, lacking the intensity or surreal flavor of most J-Horror retreads (The Ring, The Grudge, etc.). If you find yourself thinking about seeing this, do yourself a favor and check your phone. The future you may have left a message advising you to make other plans. Listen.
The 180—a Second Opinion: The ghosts are creepy enough to carry the day if you're an absolute horror nut, but nothing else warrants accepting the charges for this Call.