Kevin Winter/Getty ImagesBreaking up is hard to do. But Lady Gaga songs can make it better.
And not just because the Grammy and Golden Globe winner has put out some good, sad, three-packs-of-tissue songs. As all little monsters know, Gaga is also a champion of self-acceptance, self-empowerment, perseverance and resilience—all things you're going to need when the dust settles and the tears dry.
News that the American Horror Story: Hotel star and fiancé Taylor Kinney have broken up after five years together, for reasons unknown as yet, brought to mind times spent listening to Gaga's music—and her inspirational words in general—in times of varying turmoil in the wake of a painful split. She's been in Mexico this past week, vacationing in Cabo but also meeting with displaced children—a fairly typical pursuit for her when you think about how devoted she is to giving back, paying her good fortune forward and otherwise ensuring that the most vulnerable souls among us don't feel alone.
While going through a breakup can seem like a minor inconvenience when you stack it up against other problems in the world, anyone going through it knows just how much it sucks in the moment. Gaga seems to have her support system in place and she's staying busy, traveling, getting her driver's license so she can finally get behind the wheel on the mean streets of L.A., etc.
And we're going to bet music is a part of her process, albeit probably not her own. Her music is a part of so many other people's processes, however, so here's a guide to heartbreak and healing in the tune of Gaga, maybe based on a true story:
Wallowing in the Misery: Crank up "Speechless," off The Fame Monster, when you can't even accept the fact that it's over, let alone are ready to move on. The woeful song of toxic love gone wrong (and silent, the jerk) is just the thing when you're rather miserable.
I can't believe what you said to me, last night we were alone / you threw your hands up / baby, you gave up, you gave up / I can't believe how you looked at me with your James Dean-glossy eyes / with your tight jeans, and your long hair and your cigarette-stained lies
Sounds smoky. But it was enough to have Gaga lamenting: I'll never write a song, won't even sing along / I'll never love again / Why you so speechless? / You've left me speechless, so speechless / Will you ever talk again, boy, why you so speechless?
Yet while it's a hell of a heartbreak song for one, much like a lot of Gaga's peppier tunes, it turns into an anthem:
Mad as Hell: Once you're starting to realize that you don't want to make it work with the smoking liar (well, you still kinda do, but logically you know that it's a bad romance), it's time to grab some pals and have a dance party—but not to "Just Dance," not just yet. Rather, to "Monster," because, you know, "that boy is a monster."
I want to just dance / but he took me home instead / uh-oh there was a monster in my bed / we French-kissed on a subway train / he tore my clothes right off / he ate my heart and then he ate my brain
And that could not be a more perfect metaphor for what happened, even if you don't live within 100 miles of a subway.
Then He Calls: Stay strong, girl, and listen to "Telephone." Nothing like a one-two bunch of Gaga and Beyoncé to remember that you're passed all this. Though maybe it wouldn't hurt to at least meet for coffee...
Just a second / It's my favorite song they're gonna play / And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh / You shoulda made some plans with me / You knew that I was free / And now you won't stop calling me / I'm kinda busy
You Get Back Out There: Time to perhaps schedule a date or two, get back on that bicycle? This is the fun part, so enjoy!
Boys, boys, boys, we like boys in cars / Boys, boys, boys, buy us drinks in bars / Boys, boys, boys with hairspray and denim / And boys, boys, boys, we love them, we love them
You're Swiftly Reminded Why Dating Is a Pain All Its Own:
Won't sign away my life to / Someone who's got the flavor /But don't have no follow-through / Don't want no paper gangsta / Wont sign no monkey papers / I don't do funny business / Not interested in fakers
So that narrows the field somewhat...
When You Realize You're Fine on Your Own: The all-out "Gypsy" lifestyle not be for you forever, but like Gaga said, it doesn't hurt to go it alone.
Maybe we can see the world together / I don't wanna be alone forever / But I can be tonight, tonight
Go forth and find yourself.
OMG, I'm Awesome! And that's why, baby, Lady Gaga made "Born This Way."
Don't hide yourself in regret / Just love yourself and you're set / I'm on the right track, baby / I was born this way
Well, I feel better.
Best of luck to Lady Gaga as she goes forth and conquers—and endless thanks to her for the times she's been there for her fans, whatever the emotion of the day may be.