When Ronda Rousey lost to Holly Holm last year, it wasn't just a big upset for Rousey fans everywhere; it was devastating to the Sports Illustratedcover model, too.
Rousey appears on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Tuesday and opens up about that epic fight and how she felt immediately after realizing she wasn't taking home the title prize. While many might have thought she would shake off the loss, take time to heal and come back guns blazing, it seems that Rousey took an entirely different turn after realizing her wounds would be OK.
"Honestly, my thought...I was like, in the medical room and I was down in the corner and I was sitting in the corner like, 'What am I anymore if I'm not this?'" she tells host Ellen DeGeneres while crying. "And I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself and that exact second. I'm like, 'I'm nothing; what do I do anymore? And no one gives a s--t about me anymore without this."
Fortunately, she had an amazing support system by her side. "I looked up and I saw my manTravis [Browne] was standing up there, and I looked up at him and I was like, I need to have his babies I need to stay alive," she added. "Really, that was it."
Her confession is one that she's held close to the vest since November when she lost to the MMA fighter. "I haven't told anybody that. I think I only told him that, but that was like what I was thinking," she admitted. "I was meant to have him when I was at my lowest for sure. I don't know if I would have made it without him."
The talk show host thanks Rousey for her astonishing confession and commends her for being so brave about what happened. "There are a lot of people out there that have thoughts like that, and they're looking at you going, 'Wow she can have thoughts like that.' So you just did a lot of good for a lot of people so thank you for saying that," DeGeneres says.
Although Rousey was scared about what her wounds could do to her in the long run, she admits to DeGeneres that her biggest fear was revealing how badly she was feeling while still in the ring because it would mean her opponent could get the best of her. Despite losing, Rousey still considers herself a winner.
"I do believe all the best things come from the worst things. Every worst thing that happened in my life resulted in the absolute best things and I tried to think what is the reason of all this," she explains. "Maybe my role, everyone has their moment of picking themselves off the floor. I'd gone through several of mine, but no one had actually seen me go through it. And maybe I just had to be that example of picking myself up the floor for everyone maybe that's what I'm meant for.
"I really do believe I'm still undefeated because being defeated is a choice," she continues. "Everybody has losses in their life, but I choose to always be undefeated."
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).