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Guy Fieri

Ethan Miller/Getty Images for Caesars Entertainment

Get excited Super Bowl fans! Guy Fieri's ludicrous tailgate extravaganza is happening today. Having trouble trying to decide if this is the event for you? Ask yourself these questions; Do you dream of being transported to the hospital for an angioplasty moments before kickoff? Are you comfortable with the concept of Donkey Sauce? Do you have $700 and low-key no self-respect? If you answered yes to any of those questions, The Players Super Bowl Tailgate is totally your jam. According to Eater, the tailgate will be hosted by Erin Andrews of Fox Sports, and feature grub cooked by the mayor of Flavortown himself. Take a hike, chips and guac. Ritz-crusted cheese balls are a thing of the past. We're conflicted, TBH. While his tailgate menu could potentially be worse for you than smoking a pack of chili-cheese cigarettes, we have to hand it to Guy for really knowing how to throw a party. 

Sure he gets a ton of shiz for his bleached-out, Lean Cuisine tossing lifestyle but let's be real, he's laughing all the way to the bank. We're never going to be able to beat this guy, so why not join him for a trough of his restaurants Fried Ice Cream Boulder Sundae? Besides, $700 to be in the presence of a culinary pioneer is exponentially better than spending $1600 at Ruby freaking Tuesday's next New Year's Eve. We took a gander at the gut-busting menu and decided to make up a little game. Fieri or fast food: Can you tell the difference? Just like your favorite fast-food joints, Guy's heart-clogging creations sound like they could be slapped with a lawsuit and taken to court. Can you tell the difference between what Guy's got cooking at today's tailgate and these fatty fast foods? Good luck and happy Super Bowl Sunday! 

Jambalaya, Fieri or Fast food

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1. Low Country Jambalaya. Popeye's side dish or football fare? 

Carls Jr. Pound Super Bacon Thickburger, Fieri or Fast food

2. 1/2 Pound Super Bacon Thickbuger. Ugh, any food with the word "thick" in the title makes us want to crawl back into bed with a blanket made of kale. 

Meatballs, Fieri or Fast food

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3. 50 Meatball madness. Olive Garden special event or nah? Regardless, 50 meatballs are aggressive. 

Fruit and Cheese Plate, Fieri or Fast food

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4. Seasonal fruit with local cheeses. Technically this doesn't sound like fast food or Fieri but believe it or not, one of them serves this dish. 

Chilis Quesadilla Explosion Salad, Fieri or Fast food

5. Quesadilla Explosion Salad. The word "explosion" makes us feel like we're going to need to invest in a bottle of Tums. 

Bacon Mac and Cheese, Fieri or Fast food

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6. Mac Daddy Mac and Cheese. What is Gods great hell elevates mac and cheese to the level of Mac Daddy? Also, what is a Mac Daddy and can it stay away from my food?  

Olive Garden Sausage Stuffed Giant Rigatoni, Fieri or Fast food

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7. Sausage Stuffed Giant Rigatoni. Woof. This must be what our arteries look like.

Torpedo Roll Steak Sandwich, Fieri or Fast food

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8. Super Steak Sandwich. Somewhere in the world, you can get your hands on some "slow roasted California beef, balsamic onions, pepper jack, horseradish cream," all on a torpedo roll.

Wendys Son of a Baconater Burger, Fieri or Fast food

9. Son of Baconator. This burger topped with SIX slices of "thick-cut Applewood Smoked Bacon," two patties, mayo, ketchup, and freaking cheese. RIP.

White Castle Chicken and Waffle Slider, Fieri or Fast food

10. Chicken and Waffle Slider. We only hang out and"watch" the Super Bowl for the food and the commercials, TBH. That being said, chicken drenched in "country gravy and bacon crumbles, all nestled between two Belgian Waffles" is the only reason we'd be caught dead tailgating. 

 

Sonic Banana Split Master Blast, Fieri or Fast food

11. Banana Split Master Blast. Imagine washing down all of Guy's gorgeous grub with this bad boy. Does this scream tailgate or dollar menu?  

Jack in the Box Hella-Peno Burger, Fieri or Fast food

12. Hella-Peño Burger. How could this not be guy with a name like that? Is that Donkey Sauce? 

Okay kiddos, it's time to check your answers. 1) Guy, 2) Carl's Jr., 3) Guy, 4) Guy 5) Chili's 6) Guy 7) Olive Garden 8) Guy 9) Wendy's 10) White Castle, 11) Sonic, 12) Jack in the Box

Peep the rest of Guy's insane menu for the Super Bowl tailgate.

Would you attend Guy's crazy tailgate gut-buster? Tell us your thoughts in the comments! 

Anthony Bourdain breaks silence on that Guy Fieri shade!