A stick of wood, representing sticks everywhere, was inducted yesterday into the National Toy Hall of Fame in Rochester, N.Y., joining previous honorees such as Mr. Potato Head, Crayola crayons and the Atari 2600 videogame system. “It's very open-ended, all-natural, [and] the perfect price,” stated museum curator Christopher Bensch.
After initially confusing a stick with the band Styx—which "would have been rad”—the induction drew criticism from American Air Guitar Association chairman Richie Smint. “All-natural? What’s more natural than air, which my Zakk Wylde Les Paul Custom guitar just happens to be made of,” stated Smint, tearing into a perfect pantomime of Joe Perry’s “Walk This Way” solo. “Let’s see a stick do that,” he challenged, panting slightly.
When Soup Blog reporters pointed out that a stick could also be played like an imaginary guitar, Smint was visibly shocked. “Dude! What kind of retard is going to stand around playing classic jams on a stick? Seriously, air totally deserves to be in that hall of fame, way more than a stick. And a bong should be in there too!” added Smint, leaping from his couch to engage in what observers later described as “some kickass shredding.”