Britney Spears

John Sciulli/

RSVPs: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie
Where: HERE Bar & Lounge and Area
When: Dec. 14

Since Brent Bolthouse basically invented today's Hollywood nightlife scene, I'm thrilled he's invited me to his birthday party—along with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, of course. Le Bash Bolthouse is at his newest club, Area, but before I head over, I just have to stop by nearby WeHo watering hole HERE to support my gays. After all, as any self-respecting party girl knows, nothing preps you for a party like a pre-party.

I enter the always hopping bar minutes before Rex Lee arrives. Though Entourage's favorite assistant wasn't nominated for's Sexiest Gay Celebrity, he's still having a great time, chatting with Bai Ling in the VIP section and perusing the abundant eye candy. Indeed, the men are gorgeous tonight, though, sadly, they have no interest in moi. They're all here, so to speak, for Bravo's and Kröl Vodka Launch Party. The Website, targeted to the gay and lesbian community, is celebrating its poll for 2006's Sexiest Gay Celebrity, Sexiest Gay-Friendly Celebrity and Sexiest Gay of the Year, all to be announced Dec. 29.

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Both Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl are nominated in the first category. I wonder who will win. "Lance," Workout's Jackie Warner tells me. "He's the sexiest." And she's not the only one hot on the 'N Syncer. "I'll vote for Lance, but only if he votes for me," jokes Reichen about his former flame.

But it seems Lance isn't so former after all. Despite a very public breakup, Reichen tells me the two are still an item. "Lance and I are together," he says. "The fact of the matter is we got into a big fight, and [there was] just a lot of overreaction. It takes patience, love and time. That's what makes it work. I'm hoping we can keep our relationship as successful as other people have." I cannot believe my ears! My favorite gay couple is still together. This is the best night ever!

I see Bai Ling leaving, so I decide to follow her over to Area to spread the news about Lance and Reichen (for more info from the OUTzone bash, check the message boards). It's only 11 p.m., and the club is already jam-packed. It seems like everyone who is anyone is helping Smashbox Cosmetics Celebrate the Holidays and Brent Bolthouse's Birthday. And instead of giving Bolthouse a present, celebrities are donating gift cards for Covenant House. Even Matthew Perry is out for this charitable night, though he won't talk to the press. If I were the Studio 60 star, I'd be bragging about my Golden Globe nom, but Perry just wants to dance. He rushes past the red carpet to a spot near the bar, where he busts a few moves for pals. Matthew, stick to the acting, babe. It suits you better.                                                                                                                                                                       

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Before I even get a chance to grab a drink, I see Nicole Richie taking shots and chasing them with Paris' cocktail. It's Nic's first night out since her DUI arrest, and Paris is letting her drink? What a fab friend. Bai Ling tells me these stars probably have been getting DUIs because they're just unhappy. "You don't have to drink," she says. "Like me, I'm naturally high. You have to accept yourself."  

But Nicole isn't the only one in need of a natural high. "I'm so drunk," a guy tells Lindsay Lohan, who recently celebrated a week of sobriety. Lindsay smiles but holds up her bottle of H20 as if to say, but I'm not. She chats with Smashbox's Davis Factor, one of the grandsons of makeup legend Max Factor, at Bolthouse's very own VIP table. But the moment she thinks nobody is looking, Lindsay quickly chugs half a glass of her friend's bubbly drink. Unless that was sparkling Red Bull in a champagne flute, somebody may need to find a meeting pronto.

While her pals drown their sorrows, Paris passes time drinking in her own reflection in her compact. Thirsting for more, or at least bigger, Paris stands up and plays with her hair in the mirror behind her VIP table before going over to say hi to music producer Jonathan "J.R." Rotem. He's rumored to be hooking up with Britney Spears, but the nearly single pop tart is nowhere to be seen. Instead, J.R. is hanging with itty-bitty Heroes star Hayden Panettiere, who hugs Paris from behind to get her attention.  

But Paris is nothing if not easily distracted. Even after hearing J.R. claim "there's gonna be ducks, sheep and midgets" at his New Year's party, she dashes off to smoke a cigarette outside. She lights up and then hops up on one of the white leather couches reserved for Hollywood's elite. As she hugs a male partier goodbye, I catch a little too much leg under her micro-mini. I don't even want to know if she's wearing undies tonight, thankyouverymuch.

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As I turn away from Paris, I'm almost blinded by a fluorescent blond head of hair being escorted into the club. "She looks like a miniature Pam Anderson," one clubber says of Mary-Kate Olsen's new do. As if the white platinum color job wasn't enough, M-K decided to smack on some neon red lipstick too. She's like a Roy Lichtenstein painting! And thank goodness for those electric colors, because otherwise the pint-size star would disappear in the crowd.

M-K says hello to her sis' ex, Jared Leto, on her way over to the dance floor. Thank goodness she didn't see her ex David Katzenberg making out with Nicky Hilton Rothschild That hot 'n' heavy couple just slipped out with Paris to take Nicole home. "Nicole was worried about being out too late," a partygoer tells me. Finally, Nic is using her brains.

Minutes after Paris and her posse exit, Britney sneaks in through the side door to avoid the dozens of photographers waiting outside. The instant the door cracks open, the flashes are blinding, even more so than M-K's hair. "Which table do you want?" a publicist asks, and  Britney says, "I want to sit at Paris'." Hilton must have forgotten to text Brit about her departure. Oops! So, Britney perches at an outside table where she can smoke and sip with her two civilian gal-pals.  

I hang nearby, waiting to see if Brit's going to make out with J.R., but the two don't talk all night. Weird. Guess it's girls' night out. After the chain-smoking gals drink for a bit, they hit the dance floor for Snoop Dogg's performance.

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"Pull your skirt up. Let me see that thongy," Snoop exclaims through his blinged-out, marijuana-leaf mike. Thankfully, Britney keeps her goods unexposed. Looks like the girl's finally learned her lesson! Lindsay doesn't flash anyone either. She prefers to hog the limelight by jumping up on stage for Snoop's performance. While Lindsay dances to the rapper's last song, her ex, Harry Morton, looks on. Harry's flying solo tonight, and it doesn't seem like Lindsay's Rambo-headband look is turning him on.

When Snoop finishes, it's already 1 a.m. Since I trailed Bai Ling here, I decide to follow her out as well. There, I get a taste of what it's like for stars leaving a paparazzi-infested club when I almost trip over a cameraman running at full speed to get his shot. "Can you believe these guys?" America's Next Top Model's Nicole Linkletter says in disgust. It's a hard world out there. But hey, at least we get goodies! I can't wait to use my new Smashbox makeup for parties in 2007. Maybe by then, Lindsay will be sober.

Additional party scoping provided by fete froshy My Thanh Mac

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