Eddie Murphy got married this past weekend? How come I didn't hear about it before? Isn't he a huge star? Wouldn't it be all over the news?
—Tasha, Newport Beach, California
The B!tch Replies: Except that it wasn't all that secret. Exclusive, yes. Secret, no. We, for example, knew about it in advance. Even told you about it. Way to spit in our eye, there.
Eddie wanted his wedding to Tracey Edmonds to be secret. You can tell, the way he invited only 25 people, planned the affair on a private island way over on the edge of the map and made sure no blabby little kids would be there. But then again, Eddie also wanted Norbit to be a good movie. I digress.
Celebrities use several tricks to keep their weddings secret, or as secret as they can. Here's my top four, just in case you want your ceremony to have a bit of that celebrity flair.
1. NDAs for Everyone! Make sure your wedding vendors sign long, scary, legally binding nondisclosure agreements. "I always sign NDAs with my clients," celebrity wedding planner Samantha Goldberg tells me. (She's currently working some top-secret A-list nups but will not say who.)
2. Hire Talented Liars: Look for venues and planners who will openly fib to anyone who comes sniffing around asking questions before the big day. One weekend back a few years ago, an event planner at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco told me her venue doesn't do wedding receptions. Christy Turlington's wedding reception happened there the next day.
3. Dazzle the Government with Your Fabulousness: To keep your marriage license out of the public eye until the last possible second, ask an underpaid public servant to work nights. That's how Julia Roberts got her marriage license. She had a local rubber-stamper in Taos, New Mexico, come to her house very late the evening of her wedding, just moments before she threw on her cowboy boots and married What's His Name.
4. Stay Away from the City: "My clientele do not want to marry in cities," Goldberg says. "They don't want the paparazzi. They want to be left alone." Gwen Stefani, who wed in both Los Angeles and London, is apparently some sort of alien.
But really, in the end, word always gets out in advance. I knew the details of Katherine Heigl's wedding months before it went down, just by drinking my Prosecco in the right circles. People gossip, NDA or no NDA.
Speaking of which, gotta go. I hear Lindsay was making out with somebody in Italy.
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