The B!tch Replies: Whether or not she ends up on a stadium tour or at Jumbo’s Clown Room, Britney Spears will always be some sort of sex performer. Keeping her underwear on just makes her sad. And no one likes to see Britney sad. The outer corners of her eyes sink even lower than they usually go, all the way down to the proto-wattle on that plucky bull neck of hers.
Wait, where was I? Oh, yes. My weekly Lightning Round...
I have a bet going with a friend. I say the aerial exterior shots of the hospital on House are of some kind of model. He says the shots are of a real, life-size building. Who is correct?
—Gil, San Diego
According to the show publicist, the aerial shot of the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital is actually a shot of the Frist Campus Center at Princeton University.
What the hell is going on here?
—Alicia, Minatre, Nebraska
Have no fear—uncut truth can be scary, but it's your destiny, child. Embrace it.
When the heck is Andrew Morton's tell-all book about Tom Cruise coming out?
Tom Cruise will have to be dead, so he can’t sue. He can’t just be a corpse, either, because he’ll still find a way to sue. He needs to be some sort of ash or dust compound. Then the book shall debut. Meantime, reports indicate Morton’s project has moved from the research to the writing phase.
What was she thinking? I know she knew about it.
—Salma, Cairo, Egypt
I know, right?
Do you know when Britney will be coming back this year?
The latest reports have her comeback album arriving—or "dropping," in the immortal lingo of 106 & Park—in November.
I have always wondered how celebrities get paid when they do a movie. Do they just get a big check every two weeks and take it to the bank to cash it like the rest of us "regular" people, or what?
—Jessica, Grand Rapids, Michigan
They paid weekly over the course of shooting.
Why is it we’ve hardly heard anything about the third Dreamgirl? Beyoncé Knowles, Jennifer Hudson and… ?
—Robin, New York
Anika Noni Rose? You mean you don’t recognize her from her star turn as Kaya in From Justin to Kelly? For shame.