Jimmy Kimmel has let loose the dogs of a YouTube war.
After keeping his silence for an agonizing three-and-a-half weeks in the wake of girlfriend Sarah Silverman's hilarious music video confession that she is, in fact, f---king Matt Damon (if you haven't seen it, congratulations on awakening from your coma), the late-night host has exacted his own musical revenge, one-upping the cozy twosome with the all-star-backed news that he's been stepping out with Damon's BFF.
Or, as he so quotably put it, "I'm f---ing Ben Affleck." (Watch the video here.)
"You take something I love from me and you can damn well bet I'm gonna take something you love from you, too," Kimmel warned in his introduction to the clip. "Matt, Sarah, this is for you."
The video begins with Kimmel strumming gently on his guitar before launching into the big reveal: him and Affleck, bare-chested and latex-clad, respectively, donning the shortest of short-shorts, proclaiming their love—or at least lust—in song.
The duo is alternately featured in a bar, poolside, blow-drying each other's hair, posing for loved-up portraits in front of a fake Eiffel Tower, giving each other pedicures and accepting a package from a deliveryman, portrayed by Brad Pitt.
"Excuse me," Pitt says in full-out "FeX" deliveryman regalia. "Is someone here f---ing Ben Affleck?"
He then hands over a cake to Kimmel, congratulating him on his choice of copulating partner.
While Affleck and Kimmel go on to grope each other and stop short—though, at nose-to-nose, just short—of actually kissing, Pitt isn't the only A-lister to cameo in their ode to man love.
An all-star, "We Are the World"-type tribute proceeds to break out, with Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Cameron Diaz, Ashlee Simpson, Benji and Joel Madden, Huey Lewis, Joan Jett, Christina Applegate, Macy Gray, Rebecca Romijn, Dominic Monaghan, Lance Bass, Josh Groban and countless others crooning over the state of the two-member boys' club.
"This is not a man-crush," Williams sings, while Cheadle belts out that "we all hope Matt will understand."
A highlight of the video comes shortly after, with Kimmel and Affleck pulling up alongside a convertible driven by Harrison Ford, who blows a kiss to the duo before pulling away in his car, decked out in a "Honk if you're f---ing Ben Affleck" bumpersticker.
Following the conclusion of the song, Affleck joined Kimmel in the flesh as a guest on the show.
"We let it out in a big way," Affleck said, before testing out the waters on a possible name for their supercouple: Benemy, Bemmy or, most disturbingly to the actor, Jen.
"I'm glad we did it this way," Kimmel added, saying, "I didn't want my family to find out in the tabloids...it's not gay when two men are really in love."
While Damon is currently in Spain working on a new film, Affleck said he had no doubt that news of his new love would have no trouble reaching his pal.
"I'm pretty sure he actually is watching this," Affleck said, before adding, "Thank god my daughter is too young."
"Well, she's our daughter now," Kimmel replied.
The video ode to man love, which was dedicated to the loving memory of Norman Mailer, debuted amid much hype on Sunday night's special post-Oscar edition of Jimmy Kimmel Live!
After ABC confirmed last week that Affleck would be a guest on the show, it was all but guaranteed that video retribution would be had for the Silverman-Damon footage, which became an overnight viral sensation and has logged more than 8 million views on ABC and YouTube since its debut on the fifth anniversary show Jan. 31.