The greatest love story of all of our lives has officially BEEN MURDERED. By a baby.
Today, everyone you know is FREAKING THE F--K OUT because of a report claiming that Eva Mendes, female biologically inclined to bear children and actress who starred in Hitch, has been impregnated by Ryan Gosling, your imaginary boyfriend. And the real victim in all this?
Rachel McAdams. Won't anyone think of McGosling?!
While the miracle of birth is beautiful, what was more beautiful was when Ryan Gosling dated Rachel McAdams? They made out in the rain. They made out onstage at MTV award shows. He kept picking her up. She sat on his lap at cute Canadian cafes. They told each other that if you are a bird, I'm a bird. And then they broke up. (We may be mixing up real life and The Notebook, who cares?)
BUT IT WASN'T OVER FOR US. IT STILL ISN'T OVER.
And even though Rachel McAdams, ethereal goddess who radiates beauty and light and MTV Movie Awards Breakthrough Female 2004, and Ryan Gosling, hot person, have shown no signs of rekindling their epic love since they split in 2007, the Internet is pissed that Eva Mendes and the (unconfirmed) fetus that is (possibly, maybe, allegedly) growing inside her would officially mean an end for McGosling. They are PIIIIIIIIIIIIISED.
Ryan Gosling is having a child and it's not with Rachel McAdams. *sets everything on fire*? Natalie Williams (@natsaysrelax) July 9, 2014
Why is this hour dragging? Probably because Ryan Gosling knocked up some wench who isn't Rachel McAdams and the world is mourning.? Chelsea N. Cummins (@chelseancummins) July 9, 2014
EVA MENDES IS SUPPOSEDLY PREGNANT WITH RYAN GOSLING'S BABY AND IT ISN'T FAIR BECAUSE HE BELONGS WITH RACHEL MCADAMS ?? #itSTILLisntover? ChristinaKambourelis (@christinakambo) July 9, 2014
ryan gosling & eva mendes are having a baby. pretty much how rachel mcadams &the rest of the female population feels: pic.twitter.com/YKRDdPSXg4? taryn (@tarynkasper) July 9, 2014
Ryan Gosling is going to be a father. My middle school self just died inside by the fact that I nor Rachel McAdams is the mother. #dreams? Abby (@ASpence1993) July 9, 2014
Nooo Ryan Gosling if you're going to hurt women everywhere like this at least let it be with Rachel McAdams. ??? Lauren Byrd (@lbyrd9) July 9, 2014
I don't care how many babies Ryan Gosling has with Eva Mendes. He'll eventually end up kissing Rachel McAdams in the rain. #TheNotebook? Joe 'Monk' Pardavila (@joepardavila) July 9, 2014
I don't even care if I'm in denial; Ryan Gosling + Rachel McAdams FOREVER. #sorrynotsorry? my heart is his. (@glasshearttt) July 9, 2014
Eva Mendes is apparently pregnant with Ryan Gosling's baby. That breaks my heart. He's supposed to be with Rachel McAdams.? Beth Schneider (@bethyschneids) July 9, 2014
Ryan Gosling is having a baby, and it's not Rachel McAdams, moment of silent please? Michaela Oliver (@MmkayyOhh) July 9, 2014
every girl is gonna cry themselves to sleep... Ryan Gosling shared his holy sperm with Eva Mendes, not even Rachel Mcadams.. #worstdayever? k?ss?e (@sassi_klassi) July 9, 2014
But, uh, if it's true, congratulations, Eva Mendes?