Bounce by the Ounce is, according to its Twitter bio, "the freshest dance event in Preston." It's happening in September, and to raise awareness about this so-called freshness, the organizers made a video promo.
If you want the exact opposite of all the things you're looking for in a happening night at a dance club, look no further than this video.
Here's why you will never, ever want to set foot into this party, just based on the video promoting it:
1. First of all, why is everyone dressed like it's currently the early to mid-'90s?
Or is this how people dress when they go dancing? We don't know. We're lame. We turn down for everything.
2. Scary props.
Also known as "forced props." You're not having actual fun unless there is something phallic-shaped in your hand.
3. Sweaty dude-bros.
They got canned heat in their heels tonight, baby! Also, major pitters.
4. Your mom will be there.
That is almost definitely somebody's mother.
5. Also, this girl will be there.
She'll be dancing. Staring. Staring and dancing. And you will react exactly like the dude next to her did.
6. And this guy. He'll be there, too.
7. The girls dance in a threatening way.
8. And guess what? Your dad is there, too.
Looking thirsty, Pop.
9. You never know when a guy will pop up with a red balloon.
"Where is the red balloon guy? Does anyone have eyes on him?!"
10. Need more reasons? How about this?
12. And this.
OH GOD NOT THAT GIRL AGAIN.
That is enough.
So now you see why you will never want to be near Bounce by the Ounce. And if that doesn't convince you…
That is what the harsh light of day brings after a night of debauchery at his particular club night.
That sounds like a threat.