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Bounce by the Ounce is, according to its Twitter bio, "the freshest dance event in Preston." It's happening in September, and to raise awareness about this so-called freshness, the organizers made a video promo.

It's terrible.

If you want the exact opposite of all the things you're looking for in a happening night at a dance club, look no further than this video. 

Here's why you will never, ever want to set foot into this party, just based on the video promoting it:

1. First of all, why is everyone dressed like it's currently the early to mid-'90s?

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Or is this how people dress when they go dancing? We don't know. We're lame. We turn down for everything.

2. Scary props.

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Also known as "forced props." You're not having actual fun unless there is something phallic-shaped in your hand.

3. Sweaty dude-bros.

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They got canned heat in their heels tonight, baby! Also, major pitters.

4. Your mom will be there.

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That is almost definitely somebody's mother.

5. Also, this girl will be there.

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She'll be dancing. Staring. Staring and dancing. And you will react exactly like the dude next to her did.

6. And this guy. He'll be there, too.

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No.

7. The girls dance in a threatening way.

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See?

8. And guess what? Your dad is there, too.

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Looking thirsty, Pop.

9. You never know when a guy will pop up with a red balloon.

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"Where is the red balloon guy? Does anyone have eyes on him?!"

10. Need more reasons? How about this?

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11. This.

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12. And this.

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OH GOD NOT THAT GIRL AGAIN.

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That is enough

So now you see why you will never want to be near Bounce by the Ounce. And if that doesn't convince you…

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That is what the harsh light of day brings after a night of debauchery at his particular club night.

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That sounds like a threat.