In honor of The Notebook's 10th anniversary (which is today) we've been giving a lot of thought to the flick. One major consideration: "What the actual eff—why has no one realized that Noah is a stage-five clinger?" Here are 10 ways in which the movie (and specifically Noah) would be absolutely terrifying/creepy/unrealistic if it weren't for Ryan Gosling's abs.
1. He writes Allie one letter every day for a year. We aren't math majors, but these numbers tell us that he wrote approximately 365 letters. Who has the time and dedication to brainstorm, write, address and mail a romantic letter every day?! Doesn't he have any hobbies?
Some of us struggle with texting our mothers back within a reasonable amount of time.
2. Noah lies in the middle of the street like a lunatic and Allie joins him.
In any other scenario, a girl would walk away from that kind of crazy. However, when Ryan Gosling lies in the middle of the road, you lie with him, dammit. Who cares if a car nearly runs over the two of you? You can die in perfect harmony, next to the only man in the entire world who can pull off a newsboy cap.
3. Speaking of Noah's stupid headwear, the newsboy hat and wifebeater wardrobe is completely unacceptable. One could even still hate them on Ryan Gosling's perfect frame, but we've learned to accept them because of the beautiful soul beneath the clothing.
Not necessarily creepy, but not great nonetheless.
4. Noah threatens to kill himself if Allie doesn't go out with him. LITERALLY KILL HIMSELF.
If a strange man came up to us at a fair and hung from a Ferris wheel, demanding our affection or else he'd end it all, it would immediately call for a serious look into this dude's mental health. However, because this dude has the soft yet chiseled features of Ryan Gosling, we've all come to accept this act of stupidity. Instead, we're left confused as to why Allie didn't agree to a date sooner.
5. This boob grab. Unsolicited and awkward if it weren't for Mr. Gosling and his manly forearms.
6. Noah and Allie talk about building a house together. It seems a little soon in the relationship, in our humble opinion, but this fact becomes moot when Noah actually builds the house. To Allie's specifications. To get her back. Blue shutters, wrap-around porch and all. Take that in.
*Currently Googling whether someone building a house for us to start our lives together qualifies for a restraining order.*
7. There is absolutely no way we would let a man who had been compulsively stalking us row us away to a remote location where the only living beings to hear our screams are hundreds of swans.
However, since it's Ryan Gosling we're talking about, we take it all back.
8. Allie and Noah fight so much. And sometimes they're just plain mean. No idiot would stick around for if it weren't for his beautiful body. And personality. And the makeup sex.
9. Chalk this one up to the ridiculous: Allie actually feels the need to choose between Lon (James Marsden) and Noah. There's no way Allie would pick Noah over Lon, because Noah has no job and is unhinged and Lon is wealthy and Allie comes from a family of gold diggers. Except Noah is actually Ryan Gosling and have you SEEN him when his shirt is glued to his body?
Had Noah been any other actor, we're not 100 percent positive of the direction this movie would have taken.
10. This drunken deleted scene would be far more self-deprecating and far less adorable. Seeing Noah hurting breaks our hearts, but only because it's Ryan Gosling and he never deserves to feel pain. He is a perfect person and we wouldn't want his face to wrinkle.
Plus, Noah's transformation into a drunken mess wouldn't be as endearing without Ryan's presence. You'd chalk him up as a loser drunk and avoid him and his beer-swigging friends out at the bars.
Anyway, doesn't matter. Ryan Gosling makes everything better. So let's all just take a moment to cry softly to ourselves and remember nothing will ever compare to this romance. R.I.P., our hearts.