AnnaLynne McCord is opening up about the physical abuse she suffered as a child and being sexually abused by a close friend during her early days in Hollywood.
The Dallas actress details the harrowing events in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan and says that she's "done staying quiet" about what she went through.
McCord explains how she "grew up in an extremely religious and conservative" household, with a pastor father and mother who homeschooled her and her two sisters.
"My parents believed in strict 'discipline,' as they called it—I would call it abuse," she explains.
"The punishments were painful and ritualistic. We would have to bend over the bed, sometimes with our pants down, arms outstretched, and get spanked—with a ruler in our younger years and later with a paddle that my parents bought when they thought the ruler wasn't strong enough."
And as a result of the abuse she received as a child, McCord says she "pushed men to be violent" towards her when she first began dating.
"After all, as I had learned in my childhood, people who loved me hurt me."
She then recalls a time when she was 18, had just moved to Los Angeles to begin her acting career, and let a male friend crash on her couch as a favor. After falling asleep, she says that he forced himself on her.
"I felt so disoriented and numb. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep," she told the magazine.
"Because of the physical abuse, I didn't believe there were borders between other people's bodies and my own. I didn't believe I had a voice."
Years later, McCord was still suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts.
"I had pills and water in hand and thought seriously about killing myself. I didn't fear death—it felt like a solution."
But after years of professional help and dealing with the trauma from her past, McCord says she's finally found peace in her personal life.
"I forgave myself for not standing up for myself, and I began channeling my experience into something good. I have my message for women and girls: You have a voice," she shares. "Honestly, I would endure everything all over again—it has led me to my own revolution."