It is our firm belief that if you are going to go down, go down in a blaze of glory. And yes, there is a sex joke in there but just ignore it! Don't make the joke. We're all professionals here.*
So 62 high school students from New Jersey were arrested early on Thursday morning for what they called a senior class prank. So what hijinks did these kids partake in to get themselves arrested? Must've been something big. Something bold. Something off the walls and truly crazy. Or "cray-cray," if you must. But you should never must when it comes to cray-cray.
A police officer who arrived on the scene—after students tripped the alarm while they (allegedly) broke into the school—said that after 19 years on the force, this was the "craziest" thing he's ever seen. Whoa. Sounds pretty incredible. So what kind of epic prank did these students pull?
A really, really lame one. They broke into the school, peed all over the hallways and basically just ransacked classrooms. They also threw around some balloons and streamers and greased door handles, but that's it. So urine and balloons.
We expect so much more from the youth of America. They are the future, and this is the type of s--t they pull for their senior prank? Whatever happened to imagination? To aspiration? To perspiration? All in the name of becoming legendary in the eyes of your fellow students!
Nah, just pee everywhere. That'll be better.
Just awful. We're not mad at them, just very, very disappointed. This was a lazy, half-assed and uninspired prank. If teenagers are pulling out all the stops for prom-posals, then we should get some cool senior prank stories, too.
Well, the school year isn't over yet, so there's still time for a group of students to impress us with their devious practical joke. Just follow these basic rules:
1. Do not harm other humans.
2. Do not harm animals.
3. Try and pull it off during the school day so you don't have to trespass after hours.
4. Don't pee on anything.
5. Remember: A good prank is all about quality over shock value. Trashing a classroom? Stupid. Covering every inch of your gym with photos of Jim Carrey so it becomes a "Gym Carrey"? Better. But that was just off the top of our head, and we're not that smart. So you guys come up with something better, mmm'kay?
6. Don't pee on anything. We shouldn't have to repeat that rule, and yet…
7. Don't do anything that will cost the school tons of money to fix. Your punishment will probably less severe if your prank leads to cleaning up something and not replacing thousands of dollars' worth of locker doors.
8. Be prepared to accept punishment and be willing to pitch in during the cleanup. You will almost definitely get caught and your teachers and principal will probably go easier on you if you go in there ready to clean up your dirty work. Just a thought. After all, nothing brings a senior class together better than everyone mopping up the bubbles that came out of the fountain after someone threw laundry detergent in it.
That's it and that's all. So have fun out there, seniors, and enjoy it all while you can. Because pretty soon you'll be in college and then after that, the real world arrives. And the real world is kind of like one very long prank on your life. And that prank is called adulthood.
(*No, we're not.)