Is Christian Bale enjoying revenge on Tom Cruise? Is Larry Birkhead going broke with attorneys' bills? Are Awful Truth readers the mouthiest messes in town? Answers: Yep, probably and you decide, as it's mailbag Tuesday!
Can't believe we're sayin' this, but maybe foot-in-mouth maven Sharon Stone didn't have it all wrong about karma comin' back to haunt ya. Case in point? Let's take a time machine way back in the past...all the way to June 6, 2005, at the premiere of Batman Begins in H'wood. Just how long ago was that? Katie Holmes was touted as the Next Big Thing (as an actress, not the famous friend hanger-on in designer duds she's become since), and Tom Cruise was just beginning to alienate folks by slowly creaking open his Pandora's box of birdbrain antics.
Still, the not-yet Suri'd couple was the complete talk of the flick's premiere, much to the chagrin of Batman himself, Christian Bale. Must've stung something awful for the dude, who buffed himself up to play the iconic bat only to get trumped by a glossy goss-friendly duo at Grauman's Chinese. Every pap and screaming fan in sight only wanted a piece of TomKat.
Hope Bale-babe's not still bitter, 'cause three years later it looks like all the attention is going straight back where it belongs. Turns out C.B., who's becoming the go-to guy in H'wood for the perfect combo of talent, chiseled looks and likability, is in talks to replace Tom-Tom as the president of the United States in the action thriller The 28th Amendment. T.C. left the Warner Bros. pic to concentrate on other projects—though we sorta wonder if left is the right word, but that's just a nah-stay query, nothing more. Maybe some studio heads just couldn't conceive of Cruise as the leader of the free world, tho he's basically the No. 1 guy (for about two secs more) of Scientology.
And this follows Maggie Gyllenhaal usurping Katie-hon's role as Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight. The Cruise clan's pedestal certainly appears to be getting lower and lower nowadays. Shame, really. And we won't even get started on Suri vs. Shiloh, 'cause the answer on that cuter-baby conundrum is where the real media money's gonna be, right?
Dear Ted:
Come on. You're a cranky butt when it comes to your mean words about Rachael Ray. She puts a smile on my face, and if I'm working, I record her show—it's fun, entertaining and informative. I've seen Rachael interviewed where she is the first to admit she's often late because she has so many irons in the fire. She's trying to please a lot of people, but I don't think you're one of them. Shame on you!
Linda
Columbus, Ind.
Dear Ray of Fight:
Almost had me convinced there, babe, till I received buttloads o' letters like the two below. Read on:
Dear Ted:
If you really want to know what people think of Rachael Ray, go to the Live Journal website to find "Rachael Ray Sucks Community," or type in "I hate Rachael Ray" in a search engine. I belong to the RRSC, and am proud to be a member. What a disgusting waste of genetic material R.R. is, and the slop she "cooks" is nothing short of nauseating. Have you ever seen the pictures of it? That's enough to gag you, much less actually serving that putrid mess to your family.
Diana
Taneytown, Md.
Dear Ted:
Loved the Rachael Ray bit. I've done some freelance work for her magazine and have yet to be paid—a year later. Talked with other freelancers and they say the same thing: Everyone at the mag is miserable and morale is low. Every time I see her porcine face shilling doughnuts, I want to scream. And I want my three grand!
Annie
San Francisco
Dear Boiling Babes:
Jeez, unappetizing grub is one thing, but not being able to buy your grub 'cause you're not getting any moola is a far more serious matter. Glad to hear, Annie, when I contacted you to tell you so, you said you've already put it in the hands of an attorney, where it belongs. Good luck!
Dear Ted:
First of all, I congratulate you on Truth, Lies & Ted. Someone has to be honest in Hollywood, and it can't get better than you. I would like to rant on Heidi and Spencer. Why do they go around pretending like they are some big important couple when they don't even have real jobs?
Isabella
Chicago
Dear Ersatz Police:
Hate to break it to you, but Speidi's vocations are just as important as mine. Take that however you care to, darlin', and thanks mucho for the compliment.
Dear Ted:
Anorexia rumors? Can Fake à la Ferocity from One Privately Eased Blind Vice possibly be Victoria Beckam? That is one star who seems to be "on" to something.
Carissa
New York, N.Y.
Dear Vicky B. Not Worried:
We so know the lollipoplike Posh is sneaking some nutrition into her bod when the cameras aren't rolling. Ain't her. Think truly talented.
Dear Ted:
What does Fake à la Ferocity's man think of her needle habit? For those of us out in the sticks, how exactly does a needle mark completely heal so that the paps don't pick it up in a photo? Please don't tell me she shoots up in her gums or toes.
Andrea
Richmond, Va.
Dear Sally Syringe:
He's got his own nasty habits, I assure you. And F.F.'s not shooting up now, babes, just in the past—and plans to do so soon. Can't speak for the paps as to your cover-up query, but I do know many an edit-bay bill has gone toward erasing Fake à la's needle marks in her movies.
Dear Ted:
Public Thrust from One PDA Pooftah Blind Vice is Chace Crawford, right?
Joyce
Dublin, Ireland
Dear Not a Chace:
C2's safe from this B.V., but more important, you get Gossip Girl all the way over in the U.K.? Don't you Irish lasses and lads have better ways to fill up your time than the goings-on betwixt New Yawk underlings?
Dear Ted:
Is Public Thrust Ben Barnes, or is he too old to be in Zac Efron's age range? He's a brunet like Shia and in some big projects...By the way, you're smoking hot in your online videos and have a kind of young Harrison Ford-type thing going on. When are you going to get your own TV show?
Michael
Columbia, S.C.
Dear the Lion, the Witch and the Hottie:
The princely B2 is keepin' his goods from the public, guess again.
Dear Ted:
I must object to all DUI offenders being barred from driving. No problem gets solved by condemning it. One million Californians will get a DUI in the next five years. You yourself are an advocate for legalizing Mary Jane, which I can guarantee will only add to the crisis. (I agree about your stance, though.)
Denise
Merced, Calif.
Dear Nice Try:
You think I'd be any less tolerant of folks pulled over who are stoned? No way! Drunks kill people when driving. End of story, and thanks for the shout.
Dear Ted:
Is there any way you could quit referring to every single celeb as "First Initial-babe"? When you proofread your posts, are you as completely annoyed as I am that you overuse "Jen-babe" and "Brit-babe," etc.? Come up with something else. Please.
Brittany
Lansing, Mich.
Dear Brit-Babe:
I'll think about it.
Dear Ted:
I know there's no way you're going to divulge the bulk of your Blind Vices, but is there any way you could at least archive the B.V.s separately? I'd love to go back and look at some of them, but it's a pain to try to go through every single A.T. entry. Is this possibly on the horizon?
Bridget
Seattle
Dear Semiblind Babe:
There's a Blind Vice archive right there on the right side of your screen, sweetie. Research away!
Dear Ted:
Is Fake à la Ferocity Nicole Richie? She's got the relationship, career seems to be heating up, had a past habit, and is skin and bones again. Seems like a good guess.
Dawn
Utica, N.Y.
Dear Paris:
Hon, I thought you two made up? Regardless, ain't your old Simple Life costar, think far more established.
Dear Ted:
You have actually made a career out of making up destructive stories about characters who resemble real-life celebrities? I am nearly impressed. Granted, not really as impressed as I would be if you had chosen to put some of your considerable writing talent toward hard journalism, but I guess it is the same all over, always people who can't do the tedious work of research or the creative work of writing compelling fiction. Maybe the spitefulness of your stories comes from your own lack of fulfillment at having genius in your own right.
Elizabeth
Seattle
Dear All Wet:
If my Vices aren't true, then your ass isn't the tightest broomstick cubby in the Northwest.
Dear Ted:
I hope it wasn't Jennifer Butler's intent to curb Bill Murray's bad behavior by moving down here. The girl-guy ratio down here is about 10:1, drugs are just as rampant as they are out on the West Coast, and the partying never seems to stop, despite a mandatory 2 a.m. closing time. We've got all the bad habits of the rest of the country—we're just more polite about it.
Amy
Charleston, S.C.
Dear Southern Bill:
You S. Carolinians simply have a smarter sense of humor than snotty New Yawkers, that's fer sure.
Dear Ted:
I'm so curious about Fake à la Ferocity! Could it be Jennifer Garner?
Marzipan
Sydney, Australia
Dear Marzi Mate:
Nope, but Jenny's sure got her own problemos, whether she wants to admit them or not.
Dear Ted:
Jackasses are giving you crap about your Affleck-Garner scoop. The only pictures I've ever seen of her these past two years are of her with the kid, solo. Hellooo...competition seems a wee bit jealous of you, no?
Y.N.
Dear Object of Her Affleck-tions:
There have been a few photos floating around of Ben and Jen both out with their brood. But I dare ya to find one where either star looks happy.