Slate writer Aisha Harris recently published an op-ed headlined "Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore." In it, she recalled feeling "insecurity and shame" growing up as a black girl with a white Santa.
"Isn't it time that our image of Santa better serve all the children he delights each Christmas?" she ponders.
And Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly answered her with a resounding, "No."
On her show The Kelly File, Megyn said, "When I saw this headline, I kind of laughed and I said, ‘Oh, this is so ridiculous. Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa.'"
"And, by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white," she continued. "But this person is arguing that we should also have a black Santa, but, you know, Santa is what he is, just so you know, we're just debating this."
Yes, Santa is what he is. Imaginary.
For background, Kelly is a former lawyer who switched to news because she did not like "arguing with the other side" (good thing that doesn't happen on Fox News!). This week, she appeared on Jay Leno's show and told him she is not a "conservative operative."
She explained, "The way we do it on the Fox News Channel is the straight news anchors—like myself—give a hard time to both sides."
Back to Santa: "Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable, doesn't mean it has to change," Megyn ranted. "Jesus was a white man, too. He was a historical figure, that is a verifiable fact. As is Santa, I just want the kids watching to know that. How do you just revise it, in the middle of the legacy? Of the story? And change Santa from white to black?"
(We won't get into it, but Jesus—probably—wasn't white.)
Harris actually proposed a different solution: Make Santa a penguin.
"OK, that's where she goes off the rails!" Megyn chortles. When another correspondent points out this would make all kids equally feel welcome, she continues, "No. No, it doesn't…It makes all birds feel welcome."
At this point, another member on the panel, President Nixon's foreign policy assistant, Monica Crowley, chimed in, "A penguin would never work because a penguin could never lug all those gifts."
"You can't take facts and try to change them to fit some sort of political agenda or sensitive agenda," Crowley continued, without presenting whatever "facts" there were in the case.
At this point, we feel it's worth mentioning again that Santa is make believe. Sure, he is based on Saint Nicholas, but our current version of Santa is not real. Does Megyn Kelly still believe in Santa? We have no idea!
But Santa could literally be anyone or anything (even a penguin!) because, in reality, Santa is your parents. So a penguin does not actually have to "lug all those gifts." And kids don't care who Santa is, as long as they get those presents. Kids will believe anything!
Lastly, because she brought it up multiple times, we have to ask: WHAT KIDS ARE WATCHING FOX NEWS?!