InstagramToday, Miley Cyrus turns 21. ("What?! She's not 21 yet?! How old is she?!" Yeah, she was 20. We don't blame you for thinking otherwise. Such is the life of a celebrity—you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.)
We learned exclusively what Miley will be up to this weekend—get the details here—but if you want to throw your own Miley Cyrus-style birthday, follow this recipe exactly:
One gallon of twerking, then add to taste. When you've hit the perfect amount of twerking, add 1 more gallon. (Optional: Add black background dancers for real Miley Cyrus authenticity.)
A spandex-clad band and something to spank.
Two nipple pasties (if no nipple pasties are available, do not substitute. Opt for nothing.)
Add five (5) pinches of unread open letters written by Sinead O'Connor.
Next, two eyebrows, bleached. Basically, add eyebrows but make sure no one sees them.
A lick of one tool (hammers, preferably, but adapt for whatever is in season).
Mix in no old people (Gross! Nobody has sex after 40!) but one "homie" mom by your side.
If you things spicy, infuse it with one older man (mid-thirties, Robin Thicke-style) to twerk on.
Lastly, add one full tongue.
A few (drunken?) texts to an ex-fiancé who is "much happier" since the breakup.
And zero f--ks.
(But really, care a lot. If you actually give zero f--ks, do not attempt this recipe. It requires a lot of care and attention and effort.)
Do not broil or bake, smoke until complete.