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Nicki Minaj Premieres Steamy "High School" Music Video, Featuring a Closet Full of Crazy Outfits

(Warning: The video contains explicit language and some sexual scenarios. If that is considered NSF your W, then, yes, this video is NSFW.)

New day, new wig: Such is the plight of Nicki Minaj. And today that wig is blond, because everyone knows that any mafia wife worthy of descending a grand staircase in dramatic fashion is blond (How to Dress for Illegal Activity, p. 118-121).

Nicki's latest music video, "High School," finds her married to the cartel (straight out of Weeds) and sexing up Lil Wayne (scenes that we definitely didn't need to see. Like, hard pass on that).

And while her wig game is rather tame this time around, the fashion is truly...Nicki-ish. So we've ranked the outfits from least outrageous to most...Nicki-ish.

Nicki Minaj hits the road on a motorcycle and lives to tweet about it!

5. This Dress: Oh how pretty and not very outrageous at all! The blunt wig and spiked heels are very I-saw-a-movie-about-the-Russian-mob-once, but hey, if she was going that route anyway, at least she didn't opt for velour sweatpants and no underwear.

Nicki Minaj MTV

4. This Bikini: Sure, in behind-the-scenes footage, her nips may have slipped (as the kids say), but, for the most part, this swimsuit covers everything. Just as long as she avoids, like, waterparks. Or waves. Or a strong gust of wind. Or a weak gust of wind. Or moving at all.

Nicki Minaj MTV

3. This Lingerie: It's lingerie. And as far as lingerie goes, nothing looks edible. Or like it would be classified as a "harness."

Nicki Minaj MTV

2. This Mask: If you've already got a mask covered in diamonds, you probably don't need to rob anyone (that's greedy). Plus, this ensemble just seems impractical. You wear all black for a robbery because it makes you harder to see, not because it's slimming. No one cares if their robber is fat or thin, they just care just about the fact that they're being robbed.

Nicki Minaj MTV


Nicki Minaj MTV

That's a lot of Nicki that bikini is trying and failing to contain. A whole lot o' Nicki...

Are blond bangs not your thing? Check out some of Nicki's crazier hair moments!