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Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Paramount Pictures

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters isn't the childhood bedtime story you remember. It does look rather Grimm, though.

The 3-D action-meets-horror thriller follows in the footsteps of fractured fairy-tales like Red Riding Hood and Snow White and the Huntsman—only with way more blood and profanity, judging by the brand-new redband trailer just released to get moviegoers all revved up for opening night, which is finally right around the corner.

We're a family-friendly operation here, folks, but we can reveal five things we picked up from the gory, tongue-in-cheek two minutes making the rounds:

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Screengrabs

Paramount Pictures

1. Look, but Don't Touch: There is a brilliantly colored candy house. But, as Jeremy Renner's weary warrior Hansel warns us, if there's one thing he's learned over the years, it's "don't eat the f--king candy."

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Screengrabs

Paramount Pictures

2. Blood Is Thicker Than Candy: Hansel and Gemma Arterton's Gretel, scarred from a certain almost-eaten-by-a-witch episode from their childhood, are all grown up and hunting evildoers who typically feast on children but are apparently willing to dispatch an adult or two—such as the titular brother and sister's parents. "Now, we kill witches for a living," Gretel says in voiceover, cheekily adding, "Who am I kidding? We do this s--t for free."

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Screengrabs

Paramount Pictures

3. Tools of the Trade: How do Hansel and Gretel go about slaying these monsters, who appear to be some sort of sorceress-vampire-demon-zombie hybrid (when they're not in the form of otherwise sexy women like Famke JanssenZoë Bell and Ingrid Bolsø Berdal)? They utilize a variety of techniques, such as bashing the witches to bits with enormous clubs and setting booby traps that result in them being cut to ribbons. And, sometimes, they just blow the baddies away, Matrix-style, with enormous guns that shoot bullets that can take out a whole forest.

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Screengrabs

Paramount Pictures

4. Skinny-Dipping Is Allowed: A hunter's got to hunt. While Gretel seems to spend a lot of her time head-butting obstinate men who get in her way, Hansel finds time to get naked. It's nice to see he has a love interest who isn't related to him. Then again, he's probably being seduced by a witch.

Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Screengrabs

Paramount Pictures

5. And When All Else Fails...: Oh, didn't we mention the barbed-wire whip that can make a witch disintegrate at a flick of the wrist? It's pretty badass.

After a 10-month delay—plus another two weeks so it wouldn't butt up against Gangster Squad—Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters storms its way into theaters Jan. 25.