Nicole Scherzinger always seems comfortable in the spotlight.
But in her VH1 Behind the Music special (airing Sunday at 9 p.m.) the former Pussycat Dolls singer reveals she had major struggles with bulimia.
"It's embarrassing. I never spoke about it," she says. "Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know?"
"I guess it was like my addiction, right?" the 34-year-old ousted X Factor judge says. "I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It's like when I got offstage, I was on this high, and I'd come back to my room and I'd be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction. Hurting myself was my addiction."
Scherzinger says, "I really was so disgusted with myself," adding, "I hated myself." Despite being a member of the Pussycat Dolls, "I never felt so alone in my life."
Despite a less-than-perfect girl-group experience, Scherzinger considers her former bandmates Jessica Sutta, Melody Thornton, Carmit Bachar, Ashley Roberts and Kimberly Wyatt "like my sisters."