This is the sort of art you never want life to inspire.
As it happens, Rosie O'Donnell—who is fine and currently recovering at home—revealed today that she suffered a heart attack last week, disclosing the information in a poem posted to her official blog.
The 50-year-old revealed, in verse form, that she suffered the attack last Tuesday, when she went to the assistance of what she described as an "enormous woman struggling to get out of her car/ she was stuck," while walking through a Nyack parking lot.
A few hours later, Rosie began feeling what she thought were the effects of her good Samaritanism.
"My body hurt/ i had an ache in my chest/ both my arms were sore/ everything felt bruised/ musculature - i thought/ strained or pulled tissue."
Still, the talk vet continued on with her day despite the persistent pain and more and increasing symptoms.
"I became naueaous my skin was clammy/ i was very very hot i threw up/ maybe this is a heart attack," she wrote, adding that she went on to Google her ailments before thinking, "naaaa."
Still, after recalling a commercial for, of all things, for Bayer aspirin, she popped the pills and credits it with saving her life.
"Thankgod," she wrote. "Saved by a tv commercial/ literally/ i did not call 911."
Despite not calling on emergency services, she did nonetheless see a cardiologist the following day, who performed an EKG and sent her to the hospital, where a stent was put in and she realized the severity of her condition.
"My LAD was 99% blocked/ they call this type of heart attack/ the Widow maker/ i am lucky to be here."
And while Rosie is now safely at home, it's not the first health scare to befall her household.
Earlier this month, she revealed that she and fiancée Michelle Rounds were indefinitely postponing their wedding after Michelle was diagnosed desmoid tumors, a rare, non-cancer yet cancer-like illness.
Our thoughts are with you, ladies.