Everything's sweet but the women of Franklin Lakes on tonight's sugar-frosted episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey.
The trip to hell, er, Napa is looming and Chris Laurita wants to make sure everyone's getting along before the gang takes flight. He may want to consider banning any talk about Teresa Giudice's cookbook. And we're not just talking Olive Garden jokes. Baked goods threaten to destroy Teresa's fragile peace with Kathy Wakile as they fight over whose mom made the best cookies.
Yep, it's getting deep like that in the Garden State. So grab a Screaming Orgasm or Richie's Frozen Cannoli and let's get this cookie swap party started:
This episode should be viewed à la mode with all the desserts being featured. Teresa's fan base is getting so big, her book signings "have turned into classy affairs," she tells viewers. In Jersey terms, we think that means there's a "no table flipping or weave pulling" policy in place while T. signs autographs at DiPaolo's Bakery.
Except things get tense when Rich and Kathy drop by and she claims ownership of some recipes in Teresa's book. Actually, what Kathy said was, "Oh, my mom's cookies!" But when put through the Teresa translator, the comments come out as "a cheap passive-aggressive shot." (Someone may want to consider getting Teresa involved as an interpreter in any high-level discussions for world peace.)
Teresa also wants to expand her edible empire to include Fabullinis—a fabulous and low fat version of Bellinis featuring Prosecco and peach nectar. Joe Giudice tags along to his wife's tasting at America's oldest winery, Brotherhood, to sample the goods. He claims to have given up drinking during the week, which according to Juicy Joe's calendar ends on Thursday. (Who can we see about applying for this four-day workweek?)
Other career options Teresa should consider: event critic. If the cookie debacle doesn't ruin her relationship with Kathy, then her comments about Kathy's dessert tasting will surely seal the deal:
"I don't want to compare my book signings to her Gelotti event, but my daughters have posters like that when they have a lemonade stand."
All signage issues aside, Bravo should have warned us to watch this episode with a box of cookies. Who didn't have the munchies after watching the waitresses passing around trays of Kathy's tiramisu and hazelnut brownies and lemon curd blondies and...well, you get the point. Whether or not Kathy get a contract to work with the BIG deal food executive Richie brings around, we'll put in a standing order for this office whenever she starts shipping to Hollywood.
Desserts weren't the only food porn featured tonight: Jacqueline Laurita ordered a Screaming Orgasm cocktail during a business lunch meant to introduce Lauren Manzo to some beauty executives. We know the poor woman is under a lot of strain because of her feud with Teresa, but skipping the racy-sounding drinks seems like the first lesson in Business Etiquette 101.
It doesn't seem smart but then Jacqueline is known for making some strange choices. Like her friendship with Danielle. And, as it's turning out, her loyalty to Theresa. Leave it to Caroline Manzo to offer some armchair analysis: despite the big blowup, Jacqueline still "really, really loves Teresa" and is in for a world of pain when the relationship implodes.
Twenty bucks says it happens in Napa.
Poor Chris. There aren't enough goblets of red wine in his man cave to solve the problems he's trying to fix. But the dude's gonna try, appealing to Joe Gorga, his brother-in-law and Rich to keep the ladies from killing each other on the trip. But a bro fight breaks out when Teresa's hubby accuses his brother-in-law of stealing his tools. So all of this drama—maybe the entire show?—could have been avoided if only Joe Gorga had returned Joe Giudice's trowel?
Were you buying the stolen tools story as the source of all the Gorga and Giudice's problems? Who do you believe in the Great Cookie Caper of 2012: Teresa or Kathy? And were you able to make it through the entire episode without running to the kitchen for dessert? Sound off on all things Jersey in the comments section below!
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